11 Former Athletes Who Could Get Us To Watch Dancing With The Stars

August 8th, 2008 by NextRound in Sports, Television

Dan Marino is one of the new contestants on Dancing with the Stars. Guess he had to find something to fill the void left by Inside the NFL. And nothing fills voids like dancing! Ask any divorcee. We like Dan, but he’s just not entertaining enough to get us to tune into DWTS. These former athletes on the other hand — either intentionally or unintentionally — are…

Charles Barkley. Seriously, how awesome would it be to see Chuck bouncing around in funny outfits, arguing with judges, interacting with his hot foreign dance partner? He could just get lap dances every episode and never get voted off. ABC needs to make this happen.

Dikembe Mutumbo. “I DUNK ON THEM. I DUNK ON ALL OF THEM.” OK, so he’s not quite a “former” athlete, but he’ll eventually retire, right? He’s got to. Right? If this video of impersonations and then some original Mutumbo doesn’t sell you, you’re soulless.

Rick Flair. Nature Boy is an entertainer through and through. He would make Lance Bass look like a bank teller. “To be the man Bass, you got to beat the man! WOOO!”

Manute Bol. He’s already got the suit. This experiment would lead to all kinds of awesomeness.

Mike Tyson. It would be a lot of this, just with more mention of the fox trot.

Bill Romanowski. How seriously would Romo take dancing? Answer: Spit in Marino’s Face Seriously. Things would get weird.

Tim Hardaway. This would be a tremendous move on Tim’s part to endear himself to the gay and lesbian community. Awkwardness would reach Curb Your Enthusiasm levels.

David Wells. Remember that sweaty fat drunk guy grinding on your girlfriend at your cousin’s wedding? It would be a lot like that.

Ryan Leaf. If he couldn’t handle the pressure under center in Southern California, how’s he going to deal with stodgy British dudes telling him his footwork is garbage? Would make for great television.

Shawn Bradley. A lot like Manute Bol, just with less rhythm.

And Anna Kournikova. So she’s not entertaining per se (unless you consider erections entertaining, which we do), but she is a former athlete looking for something to occupy her time. We can safely say we’d tune in.