Mindless Movies For Men (And Really Butchy Lesbians): Street Kings
August 12th, 2008 by Steve Irony
“Their City. Their Rules. No Prisoners.”
A lot like where I grew up.
IMDb Synopsis (with Irony’s commentary):
Tom Ludlow (Special Agent Utah) is a veteran LAPD cop who finds life difficult to navigate after the death of his wife (being married myself, I’m pretty sure not being married anymore would make life easier to navigate). When evidence implicates him in the execution of a fellow officer, he is forced to go up against the cop culture he’s been a part of his entire career, ultimately leading him to question the loyalties of everyone around him.
(Basically, this movie is the sequel to Training Day if Training Day had ended just a bit differently. For the purposes of this story pretend Denzel and Ethan “White Fang” Hawke became fast friends, went to grab a drink, met some prosties, busted a drug dealer, and then sold all his drugs at a massive discount. All while Denzel yelling, “My MAN”!)
What You Need to Know About this Movie:
1) NEO is in it!!! And he owns it!!!
2) Jay Mohr has a stache and — as hard as it is to believe — he pulls it off (I’d clown on him if I wasn’t so envious).
3) Forrest Whitaker has a lazy eye that I can’t get past.
4) The British guy from House who never plays a British guy has the best line of the movie when he talks about getting head from a “PROSTY”. That guy rules. That’s all.
Things I Thought While Watching Street Kings:
1) Forrest Whitaker was awesome on The Shield.
2) I respect that he doesn’t let his lazy eye keep him from pulling top notch tail:
3) Paris Hilton also has a lazy eye.4) I really hope the lesbo home vid of her and Britney exists. I for one would buy it.
5) Sucks Britney’s little sister got knocked up. I was really banking on her releasing a scandalous sex tape of her own to compete for attention.
6) Is Keanu even into chicks? He’s got all that Matrix money yet I never see him with Playmates. Also, that chick from Point Break looks like a dude.
7) Is it gay to wonder if someone else is gay?
8 ) I really hope no one is reading over my shoulder when I’m typing this.
And Here Comes the Ladies:
Well guys, my apologies. Not much to see here. The only relevant talent is Naomie Harris. She plays a dead detective’s wife. She is OK for a Movie Star, probably like a South Bend “8″. Plus, if you google her you’ll notice she’s a complete 2-Facer. I was very impressed with her new upcoming film called Ninja Assassin tough. I have a feeling that one may receive a review in the future.
Random Thought:
Does watching the last two seasons of So You Think You Can Dance? make me a tool. Or is it that I actually enjoyed the last two seasons of So You Think You Can Dance? that makes me a tool? I need to know.
Results of a Referral: “Did we just become best friends?”
Who Will Mock the AWESOMEness of This Movie: The guy in your office who ordered HBO for Sex and the City then later found out that Sopranos was worth a look.
Irony’s STAR Rating: 4 Stars
- 1.5 stars for NEO.
- 0.5 star for Jay Mohr’s stache.
- And 2 stars for Forest Whitaker somehow being a celebrity despite being fat and having a lazy eye. I tip my hat to you sir.
This flick is a solid rental.
Previous Editions of Mindless Movies:
Steve Irony is Team Cool & Tough’s resident shitty cinema expert and premature family man. Enjoy his regular contributions and please take his opinions with a grain of salt.
Bowl Picks:
Overall Record: 9-11 (3 Unit), 8-6 (2 Unit), 7-1 (1 Unit), -2.7 Units
