Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt handily won the 100m on Saturday, breaking his own world record and dusting the competition. He closed the race in celebratory fashion and is of course catching some flack for his showboating antics. What people don’t understand is there was more behind his actions than pure self congratulation. Here are the real reasons Bolt slowed down…

• How the hell else is he going to continue breaking the world record?

• He’s tired of everyone talking about the Jamaican bobsled team.

• His shoes caught fire. Where do they hide the extinguishers in China?

• He’s hoping to be invited by NFL teams to try out as a wide receiver after showcasing what a lightning fast prima donna he can be.

• The old dude from the Red Stripe commercials told him to do it. How can you say no to that guy?

• He started feeling sorry for the slow bastards behind him. Those guys have kids back home that look up to them and shit.

• In Jamaica, it’s not considered showboating unless you whip your dong out.

• If he had finished in the time he’s capable of, authorities would have realized he’s the black Flash.

• He was trying not to crap himself. The human bowels were never meant to move that fast.

• As hard as it is to believe, you can shave points in track and field too.

• Have you ever been to Jamaica, mon? It is laid the fuck back.

• When your name is Usain Bolt AND you’re the fastest man alive, you can really do whatever the hell you please. Who’s going to catch you?

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