1) That Mark May predicted his team to win 10 or more games. Kiss. Of. Death.

2) That his entire team has crabs jock itch. Have they been holding scrimmages down by the docks?

3) That Pam Ward is announcing his team’s season opener. Brutal.

4) That his alma mater is still Duke.

5) That his school’s mediocre quarterback is getting better at taking sacks instead of throwing the ball to the other team.

6) That his season’s hopes ride on the dandruff dusted shoulders of Jimmy Clausen.

7) That his team’s left tackle is already done for the year.

8 ) That he’s Central Michigan Alumni. Are these tailgating rules or the prison rules from Oz?

9) That his offensive line will be OK once they develop some chemistry. Are these guys looking to settle down together or block for the running game?

10) That his team’s two best quarterbacks have a ten thousand dollar bet on who can get more injured.

11) That Mark May called his team a national championship darkhorse. Worst. Jinx. Ever.

12) That the 2012 stadium renovations should really improve recruiting.

13) That his new coach thinks it will only take three years to get the program back on track.

14) That Herbstreit will be doing a special appearance at his girlfriend’s sorority house on auction night.

15) That his team spent the summer hanging out in gay bars. Stealing beers, dancing the night away to “Ray of Light”, same difference.

Thanks to SMac, Big Slim, and T-Bone for the contributions.

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