The Statham Phenomenon: Jason Statham And Other Bald Actors You Can Take Seriously As Badasses

August 21st, 2008 by NextRound in Movies

Say what you will about Jason Statham and the movies he makes, but there’s no denying he’s got quite the action star resume for a guy with no hair. It’s kind of impressive when you think about it, that a dude with that hardcore of a receder is regularly taken seriously as a raging badass. When we meet bald guys in real life we automatically discount the seriousness with which we take them right off the bat. It’s a real tribute to the action legend that is Statham that he manages to rock male pattern on the big screen with such ease.

There are only a handful of other actors even in the Statham ballpark, and none of them pull off bald tough guy acting to quite the extent he does. And for the record, shaved doesn’t count. We’re solely discussing actors who don’t have the option to grow hair, not guys who just like the shape of their own dome (read: Vin Diesel).

Jason Statham. The guy exclusively makes watchable popcorn action flicks AND doesn’t pussy foot around his hairline. It’s kind of hard not to respect the shit out of him.

Michael Chiklis. If you’ve seen even five minutes of The Shield you know Vic Mackey is an unquestionable badass. He shoves people’s faces onto hot stove tops just for looking at him weird. And if there’s any question about his technical baldness, just remember he was The Commish.

Ed Harris. The Tom Hanks of bald actors. Harris is so good at what he does you never question his lack of follicles. See: History of Violence if you’re looking for examples of badassery.

Bruce Willis. Somewhere between The Six Sense and Hostage John McClane officially became a bald man. If you see anything besides Homer Simpson wisps up top going forward, don’t be fooled. That shit is fake.

Sean Connery. The godfather of bald acting. Too bad Connery let producers toss crappy wig after crappy wig on him. Maybe his last few movies wouldn’t have sucked so bad otherwise.

Terry O’Quinn. AKA John Locke. Television’s resident bald badass. Remember when he chucked the knife in that British chick’s back? That was awesome. She was totally asking for it.