Holy shit. It’s finally here. The most anticipated week of the year. I’ve waited and waited and drank my face off and waited some more. But it’s finally here. I can feel the balance being restored. I’m pretty sure if I was wheelchair bound I would have woken up this morning and discovered I can walk again…IT’S GAME WEEK!

So excited. Still so much to accomplish. Breathe. Saturday will be here fast enough. Got to focus. Got to get organized. You can do this…

TO DO LIST FOR OPENING WEEKEND:

• Wake up to 5AM alarm Monday in order to be first to send “It’s officially game week” mass text message. Be sure to add something about already having your kill face on.

• Make conscious effort not to scare bejeezus out of wife/girlfriend with crippling ragers each morning.

• Take developed skill of reading Rivals.com while pretending to be working to startling new levels.

• Buy aviator sunglasses to wear at tailgate so coeds won’t bust you for staring.

• Do research on opponent’s fans and come up with never-before-heard insults. (Fingers crossed their fans wear jeans shorts.)

• Remind your boss you won’t be showing up after Wednesday. Prepare him for the high probability of you calling in sick next week as well.

• Rewatch last year’s bowl game.

• Clean cooler.

• Buy new cooler if can’t get rid of vomit smell.

• Buy three different types of beer: A) Refreshing morning beer, B) High alcohol content pregame beer, and C) Celebration import.

• Schedule DVR to tape Gameday and alma mater’s game (to rewatch Sunday morning).

• Figure out which game Erin Andrews will be at and DVR that one as well.

• Send mass email to college buddies to gauge everyone’s gut feelings on your team’s O-Line play.

• Determine who’s announcing your game. Send ESPN scathing, borderline sociopathic email if it’s Pam Ward.

• Make sure your new coaches sideline polo fits. You don’t want to be that douchebag swimming in Dri-FIT again this year.

• Think up funny new 2008 nicknames for Mark May and Lou Holtz.

• Monitor daily line movement. Send panic email to buddies if spread to your game starts moving in either direction.

• Reread Phil Steele cover to cover.

• Visit the website of opponent’s local newspaper and scan stories previewing Saturday’s game. Mumble about what backwood retards they are when they refer to your starting safety as a linebacker.

• Stock up on Red Bull.

• Go online and pre-order Chik-fil-a platter.

• Remove all Timberlake from iPod, especially the tailgate mix.

• Check out Booth’s picks for Thursday night’s games. Root against him and make comment about how much he sucks as a handicapper on Friday.

• Apologize in advance to everyone you know, just in case. Makes Sunday much easier.

Things are about to get awesome.

Similar Awesomeness:

• 2008 College Gameday Coed Schedule
• 15 Things College Football Fan Doesn’t Want to Hear Weeks Before Kickoff
• 20 Mangino Inspired “Our Coach” Shirts
• 10 College QBs Who Would Have Said Yes to Playboy
• What Type of NCAA ‘09 Player Are You?

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