Hump Day: Doutzen Kroes Is Coming To A Catalogue Near You

August 27th, 2008 by NextRound in Hump Day, Lady Friends

Yesterday news broke that Victoria’s Secret had named Dutch model Doutzen Kroes their newest “Angel”. Victoria’s Secret Angels — if you’re unfamiliar — are kind of like the perennial all-star team of Victoria’s Secret models. The honor essentially means the special lady is equal parts celebrity and lingerie model, hence us spending this morning introducing you to the latest inductee before you learn she’s dating an actor or a quarterback and you feel like a loser for not having eye molested her beforehand.

We’ve put a call into Victoria’s Secret headquarters inquiring as to whether they research estimated number of pages caused to be stuck together in their catalogue before they consider a model for Angel status. No word as of yet. We’ll report back as soon as we find out.

Doutzen Kroe’s Hump Day Bio

Age: 23. Is Gisele starting seem a little long in the tooth to anyone else?

Figure: Runway meets Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

How Many Years of Your Life You’d Be Willing to Trade in to Bang Her: 6. There the crappy years anyway. Unless, of course, you’re destined to die young.

Fantasy Career Ambition: The next Heidi Klum.

Realistic Career Expectation: The next Gisele Bundchen.

Fun Facts on Doutzen:

After high school she sent some snapshots to a modeling agency in Amsterdam and BAM! She’s an international supermodel. Eerily reminiscent of how we wrote one article for this site and became multi-millionaires.

She doesn’t find Michael Caine’s line about the Dutch from Austin Powers as amusing as we do.

No one is really sure how to pronounce her first name so most people just call her “Datsun”, like the crappy Japanese car from the seventies (now Nissan!).

The Closest You’ll Ever Come to Going on a Date with Her: Drink enough whiskey and time your questions just right when you watch this and you can delude yourself into believing you two are really hitting it off. That’s what we’ve heard anyway.