The 5 Movies Vin Diesel Didn’t Completely Suck In
August 27th, 2008 by NextRound
If you’ve seen the trailer for or have read anything about Babylon A.D. – the new Vin Diesel sci-fi flick — you’re probably well aware that it’s going to suck. And even if you’ve never heard of Babylon A.D. you would probably guess it’s going to suck once you found out it stars Vin Diesel. That guy lost you somewhere between The Pacifier and dressing up like Ice Cube for the XXX sequel.
But before all that Vin Diesel was in a few of movies that weren’t completely unwatchable. Five to be exact.
Saving Private Ryan. Diesel must have been sitting on naked pictures of Spielberg and that kid who played Short Round, because there’s really no explanation as to how he got cast in Saving Private Ryan. The dude had virtually nothing on his resume at the time yet some how lands a supporting gig next to a bunch of really talented actors in one of the best flicks ever made. Something still doesn’t add up there.
Boiler Room. Arguably the most likable Vin Diesel has ever come off in his entire career, probably because he was genetically engineered to hock crappy stocks over the telephone. Or maybe it’s just because he was a solid contrast to what a little bitch Giovanni Ribisi is.
Pitch Black. Best movie ever? No. Even a good movie? Not really. Can Diesel act his way out of a wet nut sack? Not a chance. But, was Pitch Black — in addition to several bong rips — a tremendous excuse to blow off all your classes on a hungover Thursday in college? You betcha. He can see IN THE DARK?!
The Fast and the Furious. Again, no one’s going to be mistaking Fast and the Furious for The Departed, but it is this decade’s Point Break and there’s something to be said for that. The “I live my life a quarter mile at a time,” speech was probably the most unintentionally hilarious movie monologue of 2001. And how good is Paul Walker’s Keanu impersonation?
XXX. It’s pretty well documented that XXX marks the last time 90% of the population could tolerate Vin Diesel. Kind of hard to believe the guy could still be churning out sequels if he wanted but instead pursued more movies about him being able to see in the dark. Bet Sam Jackson is still bullshit.
Then again, Vin Diesel is a massive Dungeons & Dragons fan, so that kind of puts his career in perspective.
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August 27th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
[…] drunk women at baseball games (w/ video) -Stacy Keibler has legs, an awareness of how to use them -5 movies Vin Diesel didn’t totally suck in. Boiler Room may or may not be featured 5 times -Danielle Lloyd flashed her ass around in the classiest way possible (NSFW […]
August 27th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
they are doing to more sequals to the Pitch Black character…. I thought about naming my son VIN but the wife got all bullshit at the hospital when I tried to tell the nurse
August 27th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
He was in Saving Private Ryan? Wow. Solid. Boiler Room? Watch it when cross it on USA. Pitch Black? Just because it had a sequel doesn’t mean it deserved one. The Fast and the Furious? Let’s take it easy with this list. I know three (arguably two) movies that “don’t completely suck” doesn’t make much of a list, but who says it needs to be a list anyway? XXX? It’s a good thing they don’t name writers’ names and list their email addresses.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Erm…I’ll give you the first two, and I haven’t seen the third. XXX and Fast and the Furious? You’re just being generous. XXX was one of the few movies I’ve seen on an airplane that made the ride seem longer. Fast and the Furious…that’s just a reach.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Vin Deisel Vrs. Chuck Norris???? DRAW… you read it here first…
August 31st, 2008 at 1:16 am
I do not believe this