USC / Ohio State: The Important Off The Field Matchups
September 12th, 2008 by
NextRound in CFB, Humor
We’ve seen and heard just about everyone’s analysis of the USC / Ohio State matchup on the field (our grandma called last night to tell us she’s pissed she didn’t take USC giving the points two weeks ago), but what we haven’t seen or heard much about are the off the field matchups that are most important to us. Things like…
Comedian Alumni
Will Ferrell (USC) vs. Richard Lewis (Ohio State)
Yeah, um, Richard Lewis has had some moments on Curb Your Enthusiasm, but Ferrell gave us Anchorman. This is pretty much the equivalent of the USC/Virginia opener. Edge: USC
Pro Wrestling Dads
Legion of Doom’s Animal (Ohio State) vs. The Rocker’s Marty Jannetty (USC)
We all know Ohio State linebacker James Laurinaitis’s dad is Animal from Legion of Doom, but what few people realize is that USC linebacker Rey Maualuga’s dad is actually Marty Jannetty of the Rockers…
OK, we made that second part up. But seriously, how bad ass would it be for Animal to be your dad? We’d have spent our formative years clotheslining bitches with no reprecussions. Edge: Ohio State
Hot Actress Alumni
Sophia Bush (USC) vs. Patricia Heaton (Ohio State)
Sure, Patricia Heaton has a little cougar to her, but we’d flood a nursing home if Sophia Bush asked us to. Edge: USC
Greatest Golfers
Jack Nicklaus (Ohio State) vs. The Stadlers (USC)
As ridiculously awesome as we think Craig and Kevin Stadler are, it might be viewed as a bit of a stretch if we took them over Jack. Edge: Ohio State
Tailgating Eye Candy
USC
vs. Ohio State
The members of Team Cool & Tough debated long and hard over this one. Friendships may have been lost, but in the end…Edge: USC
Stadiums
The Coliseum vs. The Horseshoe
From a completely objective perspective, almost impossible to argue for one over the other. If we took the fact that the Shoe is located in Ohio into perspective it might be another story, but…Edge: Draw
WAGs of Current NFL Players
Laura Quinn (Hawk?) vs. Kim Kardashian
In one corner you you have AJ Hawk’s wife (and Brady Quinn’s sister), Laura Quinn. And in the other corner you have vacuous waste-of-space Kim Kardashian, the NFL’s version of Yoko Ono (or is that Jessica?). What a tough call. Laura isn’t all that hot and we’re undecided as to whether it would be cool or weird to say you’ve banged Brady Quinn’s sister. But on the other hand Kardashian looks like a goat and thinks she has a career in music. Slight edge: Ohio State.
F–k Up Former Running Backs
OJ Simpson (USC) vs. Maurice Clarett
Talk about a showdown. Maurice has certainly faced more consequences, but OJ had more going for him. Can you say movie career? Naked Gun 4 never happened because of that dick. Edge: USC
And of course…
The Cheerleaders
The USC Song Girls
vs.
The Ohio State Cheerleading Squad
The Song Girls will take down pretty much any competition across the nation, but when the guy/girl ratio in your 08-09 cheerleading squad photo is lopsided in favor of the dudes you’re pretty much disqualified. Massive Edge: USC
We have to say, after doing our own analysis it appears Vegas has handicapped this game pretty accurately.
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Add a Response
I see 2020 says:
September 12th, 2008 at 8:43 am
It seems pretty relevant to note that a comparison in general location of the university is a tragic edge to USC. I mean southern california v/s a patch of land that could benefit from a good old fashioned out of control statewide brush fire….seams pretty obvious.
The Truth says:
September 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am
The USC Song Girls are also availlable to be rented. I think for extra 50 spot they are down for a little game of “Just-the-Tip”.
The Truth
NextRound says:
September 12th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Our buddies at Busted Coverage are all over the Song Girl Rentals.
http://www.bustedcoverage.com/?p=7010
Tailgating Dave says:
September 12th, 2008 at 11:47 am
As far as the tailgating eye candy goes, it has to be USC hands down.
Tim says:
September 12th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Patricia Heaton seriously, there has to be a better looking actress you could of compared to. Tailgating eye candy come one girls half dressed bc its summer all year vs hoodies(I have been to numerous games in Columbus and there are just as hot of girls as what was shown for USC). Not a real fan of either, but this is a bias bunch of crap!
steve irony says:
September 12th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Tim, if you have been to games in Columbus then you are probably a fan and/or from around there and hate that your Hometown Locale was just crapped on. Cali, has home grown hotties and Imports who go to there to become actress and whatever else they think they might be good at. Basically, the hot girls with daddy issues and who didn’t get enough attention go to cali. Most people from the mid west will tell you that most chicks from there are average and “thick”. the real hot ones leave.
whatever says:
September 12th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Ohio is no piece of wasteland, especially in comparison to LA. Spend a late summer afternoon hiking through the woods of Ohio and you’ll realize the truth. But if you’d rather lazily rely on stereotypes, then go ahead and shove up the price of real estate in southern California while the rest of us enjoy our smaller salaries and more comfortable way of life wearing hoodies to football games in the boring, unflashy Midwest. Oh, and we benefit from very few brush fires too!
John Carter says:
September 12th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
What a ridiculously biased waste of space. Whoever put this together clearly has never actually been to an OSU game. Forget that “eye candy” is pretty derogative, the women in Ohio and at OSU are ANYTHING but “thick”. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in SoCal and the women there are no hotter than here in Ohio…although I’m sure you have to keep telling yourself that to make yourself feel better about being packed together, stuck in traffic and paying ridiculous prices for everything. I’ll give the edge to beaches, although you don’t have winter and that’s a beautiful time of year. Oh, BTW the only thing unique about your beaches is how packed they are with people…WAY nicer beaches on the east coast…you should check them out.
P.S. Who does the makeup on the Song Girls? The Joker?
Rob says:
September 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Yikes! When was Brutus decapitated?
Jeff says:
September 13th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
What did I expect? Objectivity? They took an intentionally less than stellar looking Ohio State women, and this obsession with Southern California (the region, not the school) is ridiculous.
The Coliseum edges the Shoe, if you don’t mind hearing gunshots all day, every day.
Bob says:
September 13th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I am not objective, I am an OSU alum. But could they have been any more biased on the hooded bundled up girls they showed? There are tons of extremely hot chicks at OSU! Also you can’t compare the Colesium with the Shoe. In my opinion no stadium that is off campus can be compared to any on campus stadium. Obviously you have never seen 100,000 plus people going nuts at the Shoe, not 80,000 or so Celebrities wanting to be seen at an SC game!!
Jimmy says:
September 14th, 2008 at 11:20 am
C’mon OSU fans. You must admit that no alumni of OSU is hotter than Sophia Bush. Sophia is hotter than any USC Song Girl for that matter. Note Soph was never a cheerleader - she only played one on TV (Brooke Davis on “One Tree Hill”).
steve irony says:
September 15th, 2008 at 11:29 am
East coast beaches are the best. Plus, I ahte Mexican food So I am not a fan of going to Cali. All schools have hot girls, but I think that USC probably has a few more hotter then OSU. I give made props to Arizona and the entire state of FLorida. I also accoutn for how trashy the girls are, that does help make them hotter.
PS OSU got “handled” again. When do you think they will stop getting rank higher then they deserve? I am think a ginourmous “market correction” is coming…….
BEAU says:
November 20th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
most rediculous pics so biased but i didnt expect any less
BEAU says:
November 20th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
usc rarely plays any good teams and they lose to teams like oregon st. an stanford on a regular so talk all u want about osu but atleast we make it to the title game remember