With the current turmoil in the economy we’ve come to the conclusion it’s time to get off the grid with our substantial investment portfolio. It’s a good thing for us we’ve watched A LOT of Sopranos over the years and have several ideas of how to go about it.

1) Invest in a Strip Club. What’s the one thing people are willing to pay to see no matter how tough times get? You guessed it: tits. And from what we can tell there may also be some fringe benefits included with owning such an establishment.

2) Buy a Racehorse. It’s cool. It’s tough. Not only do you get to reap your horse’s winnings, but you also get to wager on your horse as well. Speaking from experience, we’d have a difficult time identifying a more a sound investment.

3) Get into Loan Sharking. Here you turn the tables on modern convention and you yourself become the bank. As an added bonus, collections is both cathartic and gets you out of the house.

4) Buy a Maserati. From what we hear Maseratis are the only cars that actually appreciate in value. And you’re guaranteed to get laid twice as much.

5) Get into the Movie Business. Movies print money. Especially horror movies. All you need is a mediocre script and an angle. We’re currently developing the sequel to Cleaver. We think the franchise has some serious Saw potential.

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