We wanted to write something today about the new Dane Cook / Kate Hudson movie, My Best Friend’s Girl, which opens this weekend, but we couldn’t really find an angle outside of “Holy shit that movie looks terrible” and “Man, Dane Cook is the worst” and “Thank god Alec Baldwin is in it or there might be multiple cases of theater stabbings”.

Then we visited Dane Cook’s IMDb page and — much like after our first visit to a massage parlor — all became clear. Take a look (click to enlarge):

That’s right, playing some douchebag named “Tank” in My Best Friend’s Girl is the most recent entry. There’s nothing else. Nothing “completed” or “filming” or in “pre-” or “post-production” like on just about every other mainstream actor’s page (Jason Statham’s for example…Crank 2!). Sure, there’s the “2 in-development” credits listed at the top but that just means losers with nothing better to do can pay IMDb to find out that Dane is willing to give out handjobs for meetings with studio execs.

Our long national Dane Cook nightmare may soon be over. All it took was a slew of unfunny movies to convince Hollywood of what the rest of us already knew: Dane Cook isn’t funny. We have to imagine once this crapfest with Kate Hudson gets beat in the box office by Sam Jackson going Cape Fear on an interracial couple it will mark the end of seeing Dane’s name at the top of any credits. That also means not seeing him during commercial breaks, and not seeing him on the side of city buses, and not reading stories about how a bunch of Massholes thought it would be a good idea to name yesterday Dane Cook Day.

Sleep easier tonight, our friends. We know we will.

(Editor’s Note: Who else plans to DVR Mr. 3000 next time it’s on cable?)

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