On Wednesday we saw Kevin Connolly’s name in a Page Six headline. Since we’re always in the mood to impress ourselves with a new midget joke we took twenty seconds to read about Connolly’s latest exploits. Everything was pretty boring up until the final sentence where Page Six casually mentioned that Connolly hooked up with Stacy Keibler the night before. See it for yourself:

“It was a good weekend for Connolly - the night before, he hooked up with pro wrestler Stacy Keibler.”

We re-read this roughly ten times because we couldn’t believe: A) it was in print, B) even the NY Post could stoop to reporting something so obviously erroneous, and C) how fucking nonchalantly they went about it, like yeah, no big deal, this dwarf escapes from Wonka’s chocolate factory and bangs beautiful Amazon women on a weekly basis.

We saved this rant for today primarily because we figured the Post would publish a front page retraction by now. Frightening as it is, they have not. Even worse is if you google the two names all you get are bunch gossip blogs proliferating the preposterous news.

This is unacceptably unacceptable. The most fucking unacceptable part being  the public’s willingness to casually accept the story as fact. CONNOLLY IS 4′11″ PEOPLE! HE WEIGHS A BUCK FIFTEEN! HE CAN’T GO TO THE MALL WITHOUT SECURITY GUARDS TRYING TO HELP HIM FIND HIS PARENTS! HE’D HAVE TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO MULTIPLY HIMSELF IN ORDER TO HIT TWO OF HER EROGENOUS ZONES AT ONCE!

The real question now is: who can we sue? Booth’s currently looking into it. We think we can find a way to wrap Mark Wahlberg into this. Why, Wahlberg? Because fuck him that’s why! We refuse to be lied to. The only Connolly / Keibler hook up story we’re willing to believe will involve Stacy having some sort of midget fetish stemming from her proximity to the Keibler Elf fortune.

Prepare to punch a co-worker after the jump…

[Source: Page Six]

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• Brett Ratner Is the Worst
• Lou Holtz’s Doctorate Is in Making Us Angry
• Vinny Chase Takes His Guitar to the Beach
• Kenny Chesney Can Eat a Dong
• Don’t Be Fooled into Thinking Beijing Doesn’t Suck

Punch in the Face Friday is our weekly rant about people who sucked the most in the given week.

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