This is probably the first you’ve heard of this so you might want to sit down, if you’re not already, which you probably are since not that many people cruise the internet from an upright position. But get this: USC LOST TO OREGON STATE LAST NIGHT.

That’s right, US-fucking-C. The NCAA’s NFL team. They lost. To Beavers. To Beavers of the Pacific Northwest. After being favored by 25 points. Wow. That’s embarrassing. We have several people we’d like to address…

To Pete Carroll:

What’s the fucking deal, bro? How do your squads pummel every out of conference team they play then do their best Florida State impersonation in conference? Get your shit together. You play in the Pac-10, not the NFC North.

To Oregon State:

We’ll never bet against Beavers again. It’s cost us too many times.

To Mark Sanchez: 

Wait until after the game to start debating which Song Girl you want to bang.

To the Pac-10:

The Big Ten just called. They want their identity back, along with their ability not to cover. And just before they called the WAC called. They wanted us to tell you to suck it.

To Erin Andrews:

Your rack looked awesome last night.

To Joe McKnight:

You’re supposed to be doing your best “Reggie Bush at USC” impersonation, not your best “Reggie Bush in the NFL” impersonation.

To the Pac-10 Homer on the Radio this Morning

You’re a delusional moron. Oregon State’s win over USC was not a demonstration of how strong your conference is. Not when an old, wrinkly Joe Paterno pounded the Beavers into submission in Week 2 (heh, heh). If there’s any justice in the world you’ll take a shot to the nuts at some point today. Eat a dong.
To the Two Loser USC Fans Who Showcased Their Trojan Themed Apartment on College Football Live last night: 

Holy shit you guys are dorks. We’re almost certain the negative karma you created walking an ESPN camera crew around your toolbag apartment was too much for your team to overcome last night.

And To Any CFB Personality Considering Calling into Dr. Lou:

Don’t do it. We’ll never look at you the same again.

Previous Editions of PITFF:

• We Refuse to Believe Stacy Keibler Hooked Up with this Midget
• Brett Ratner Is the Worst
• Lou Holtz’s Doctorate Is in Making Us Angry
• Vinny Chase Takes His Guitar to the Beach
• Kenny Chesney Can Eat a Dong

Punch in the Face Friday is our weekly rant about people who sucked the most in the given week.

Email This