What He Does: The Urinal Spitter sidles up next to you at the urinal and proceeds to repeatedly hock loogies at the drain while taking a piss.

How It Affects You: In addition to creeping you the fuck out, the Urinal Spitter’s actions often trigger stage fright, causing you to stand at the urinal for a prolonged period of time in order to take care of business. Every time you get a consistent stream going, he coughs up another phlegm ball and breaks your concentration.

Level of Mind-Numbing Annoyance: 8 out of 10. Putting someone in that close of proximity of urine and saliva simultaneously should be grounds for termination and/or death by stoning.

Cool & Tough Retaliations:

• Sidle up next to him at lunch with a dip can.

• Hire a homeless guy to spit in his urinal.

• Tell everyone in your office that he propositioned you with something about “a glory hole.”

• Kidnap his daughter.

Previous Editions of People Who Suck In Your Office:

• Reply All Guy
• Middle Stall Guy
• Long Winded Email Guy
• That Stupid B Eating Popcorn
• The Door Holder

• Yoga Instructor Seems Like An OK Gig
• 10 Movie Titles That Double As Euphemisms For Genitalia
• 25 Passive Aggressive Office Kitchen Notes

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