What we learned from the weekend that was…

Dan Orlovsky Is the New Gus Frerotte. Dan Orlovsky demonstrated the comedic genius of a young Eddie Murphy with his complete and utter disregard for the back of the end zone yesterday. And in doing so he overtook Gus Frerotte as the NFL’s funniest quarterback. GD, that shit was brilliant. We’re still laughing. Can’t wait to see what he does for an encore.

Everybody Lost. OK, everybody didn’t lose. That would be impossible, dummy. But with the  #1, #3, AND #4 teams losing — not to mention the Auburn debacle — it sure as hell felt like everyone in college football lost. Except for Texas Tech. The Red Raiders are fo’ real.

The Legend of Matty Ice Continues to Grow. Just when you were sure he’d peaked by winning a cage match between himself, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer, Matt Ryan goes and pulls off an improbable victory with an equally improbable throw by a rookie quarterback. Don’t complain when he bangs your sister. Consider it a badge of honor.

Texas-Oklahoma Was a Pretty Good Game. We love it when big games live up to the hype. There’s something so fulfilling about it. Kind of like puking after dominating a buffet. Too bad for Sooner’s fans it’s impossible to overcome that much roughing the kicker bad karma.

Dan Snyder Fist Pumping Now at a Minimum. No new Dan Snyder video this week. You know, since the Redskins lost to the Rams. If there was one we imagine it would incorporate the phrases: “when you play like homos”, “un-fucking-believable”, and “the Rams couldn’t win in the Big East!”

Movie Audiences Are Still the Worst. That chihuahua movie beat out a spy flick starring Russell Crowe and Leonardo DiCaprio. In the word’s of a fictional Dan Snyder: Un-fucking-believable. The real question is if the box office was a reflection of everyone who doesn’t suck watching football this weekend OR the curse of The Quick and the Dead. Probably the latter.

Meg Ryan No Longer Exists. Holy shit, these pictures are creepy. Title is a classic though. FYI: We’d still hit it.

And Baseball Is Still Going On. We think we heard the series are pretty close and there may have been a fight or something. But who’s kidding who? We can’t stay on top of everything.

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