Tony Romo is going to miss at least the next four weeks with the most devastating of all small digit injuries, the pinky injury. Many Cowboy fans are currently asking themselves: How is Romo going to ensure that he’ll back on the field as soon as possible? The answer: By maintaining a rigorous pinky rehabilitation schedule, of course.

What people first need to realize though is that pinky rehab is more about state of mind than it is physical recovery. Over the years alternative methods have proven to be far more effective than whirlpools, needles, and prescription drugs for this brand of injury. Here are a few of the proven techniques that Romo will be exploring to get back on the field — and back in your fantasy line up — as soon as possible:

1) Time with the Lady Friend. No treatment has proven itself more effective in the area of pinky rehabilitation than spending copious amounts of quality time with the special lady in one’s life. Even if it means…

• Going to a Fall Out Boy concert even though you exclusively jam out to classic rock.

• Sucking a little face when all you want to do is finish your dessert.

• Picturing her boobs when she’s annoying the shit out of you.

• Dropping encouraging hints about her resuming her gym routine.

• And pretending you like spending time with her weird family.

2) Alternative Forms of Exercise. A pinky injury will keep you sidelined from just about all rigorous activities, so it’s important to discover alternative forms of exercise to prevent yourself from becoming a tub of goo. Things like:

• Ranching. Great for the gluts.

• Baseball. It’s as easy as it looks.

• And Golf. You’re never too injured to gut out 18 holes.

3) Sing Your Heart Out. Your pinky finger and your vocal cords have an often overlooked physiological connection to one another. When you sustain a serious pinky injury, it’s important to exercise the pipes early and often:

• Do it while making sweet love to the microphone.

• Do it with an ex.

• Do it with some random goons you meet at a rave.

• Or, best case scenario, do it with Mr. Belding…

And that’s it folks. Look for Romo to be engaging in all of these activities over the next month’s road to recovery. In the meantime, enjoy Brad Johnson!

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