Feel like you should probably vote today? But you don’t give a shit who wins? Well, here are five killer write-in votes that will leave you feeling both clever and patriotic…

1) John McClane. When you tell people who you voted for they’ll think you mean John McCain. You’ll know the  difference.

2) Morgan Freeman. Because shouldn’t the first black President be a guy who is prepared for when a giant comet threatens to obliterate the earth?

3) Hacksaw Jim Duggan. We defy you to find a bigger patriot. And nothing solves a financial crisis quite like a 2×4 to the dome.

4) Lisa Ann. The perfect write-in for when you don’t want to vote for Sarah Palin but you don’t mind voting for the porn star who portrayed her.

5) Bill Pullman. How much safer would you feel knowing our President could man a fighter jet during an alien invasion? Besides, we’re sure he could use the work.

Now get out there and go America all over everyone’s ass.

Email This