Here’s the trailer for Transporter 3, the third installment of Jason Statham’s uber realistic action franchise about a limo driver with a penchant for fighting shirtless. Steve Irony has been begging us to post something on this so here we go…

What We Know:

• These flicks are best viewed when hungover on Sundays.
• Statham will — at some point — need to take his shirt off in order to effectively fight bad guys.
• They really need to cast chicks with bigger boobs in these Transporter movies.
• A surprisingly large number of straight dudes are “gay for Statham”.

What We Can Guess:

• The screenwriter for Transporter 3 has seen Speed.
• We are rarely recommended as “the men for the job.”
• The southern dude from Prison Break isn’t really an inbred hick at all.
• Hand-to-hand combat in a suit is as easy as it looks.
• If Statham offered us a ride to anywhere but Poundtown we would take it.

What’s Unclear:

• Whether Statham ad-libbed, “You’re fired” or someone actually wrote that down.
• Whether this flick will be Transporter unbelievable or Transporter 2 unbelievable.
• If the Transporter is some sort of hippie. Dude never wants to work.
• Whether Statham really did make Shia LaBeouf shit his pants just by telling him he once got head from a chick named Shia.

Can’t remember where we heard that Statham/LaBeouf story, but there’s gotta be some truth to it.

Email This