A&E has granted the wish of Steven Seagal enthusiasts everywhere by greenlighting a new Seagal reality show. The surefire hit entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman will premier in late 2009 and plans to trail Seagal as he works as a sheriff’s deputy in Louisiana, which he has done on and off for the past decade (Seagal is like the movie star equivalent of Shaq, except with cooler hair and more accusations of sexual harassment).

The only way this could get any awesomer is if they had a naked lady jump out of a cake at the beginning of every episode. And since we want to encourage as many people as possible to watch we’ve compiled this list of awesome things you can anticipate seeing on the show. It’s pretty much guaranteed to blow your mind…

Double-Chinned Guitar Playing!

Drunken Headlocks!

Energy Drinks!

Chillin’ with Brothers!

Wine Tastings!

Half-Assed Karate Lessons!

Skullcaps!

Exotic Animals!

Even More Double-Chinned Guitar Playing!

Wycleaf Jean!

Running Like a Girl!

Kelly LeBrock Sightings!

Fat Elvis Impersonations!

Man, Seagal is the best. We are we excited. Like punch-a-midget excited. It’s almost impossible not to be.

Editor’s Note: In probably the biggest travesty ever to hit the world wide web, the Seagal/LeBrock wine tasting video has been taken down on YouTube. All we have is the screenshot. If you never watched it, you truly never lived.  

[Source: Variety]

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