It’s no secret that the newspaper industry is in a world of hurt. And it’s beginning to become increasingly obvious that surviving ‘09 may be more than a tricky proposition for several major papers. It’s quite a shame, especially when you think about people whose lives will be drastically different when there are no more newspapers. Like…

• Life as a Stalker. What do does a stalker line his bedroom wall with if not the newspaper clippings of his obsession?

• Life as an Art Teacher. 3-D art class will have to be replaced by even more GD watercolors when paper mache is no longer an option.
  

• Life as a Poor Kid. What’s a kid supposed to do for headwear when they can no longer fashion a newspaper into a kick ass sailor hat?

• Life as the Asian Guy at the Market. Fish gotta be wrapped in something.

• Life as a Bum. From washing windows to insulating coats to using newspapers as makeshift blankets, the homeless may be hit the hardest.

• Life as a Hippie. Hippies may as well start offing themselves if they can’t spend their days bitching at people for not recycling the paper.

• Life as a High School Kid Hosting a Kegger. Nothing soaks up vomit like newspaper. Nothing.

• Life as a Pet Store Owner. Newspaper is lifeblood of any good pet store operation. Animal shit left unchecked is a recipe for disaster.

Quite the dose of reality, eh? At least it looks like we picked the right medium. And to think, we almost started our own comic strip.

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