
Every year people across the country make unrealistic New Year’s resolutions. We’re no different. So as an ode to failed self betterment we’ve surveyed the members of Team Cool & Tough for New Year’s resolutions they’ve made and failed miserably at maintaining. As always, things get a little weird…
New Year’s Resolutions That Never Work Out:
- Stop Banging Fatties
- Don’t Get So Drunk You Crap Yourself
- Only Gamble with Discretionary Income
- Don’t Do Any Drugs That Involve a Dealer
- Only Masturbate When Aroused, Not Just Bored
- Don’t Use Profanity Around Children or Old People
- Always Wear a Condom with Strange
- Don’t Eat Fast Food Sober
- Pay Down Credit Cards
- Spend More Time with Family
- Be Less Racist
- Don’t Get Blacked Out on Work Nights
- Hit the Gym at Least Three Times a Week (No Drive-bys)
- Stop Convincing Yourself Strippers Really Like You
- Get a “Real” STD Test
- Say No to Happy Endings
- Be More Professional at Work (i.e. Stop Banging Receptionists)
- Date More Cougars
From our experience keeping the bar as low as possible is best when making a New Year’s resolution. Funny how often we come to that conclusion.
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