Every year people across the country make unrealistic New Year’s resolutions. We’re no different. So as an ode to failed self betterment we’ve surveyed the members of Team Cool & Tough for New Year’s resolutions they’ve made and failed miserably at maintaining. As always, things get a little weird…

New Year’s Resolutions That Never Work Out:

  • Stop Banging Fatties
  • Don’t Get So Drunk You Crap Yourself
  • Only Gamble with Discretionary Income
  • Don’t Do Any Drugs That Involve a Dealer
  • Only Masturbate When Aroused, Not Just Bored
  • Don’t Use Profanity Around Children or Old People
  • Always Wear a Condom with Strange
  • Don’t Eat Fast Food Sober
  • Pay Down Credit Cards
  • Spend More Time with Family
  • Be Less Racist
  • Don’t Get Blacked Out on Work Nights
  • Hit the Gym at Least Three Times a Week (No Drive-bys)
  • Stop Convincing Yourself Strippers Really Like You
  • Get a “Real” STD Test
  • Say No to Happy Endings
  • Be More Professional at Work (i.e. Stop Banging Receptionists)
  • Date More Cougars

From our experience keeping the bar as low as possible is best when making a New Year’s resolution. Funny how often we come to that conclusion.

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10 Responses So Far...
  1. chris Says:

    its not quite funny, but quitting smoking should be in there.

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  3. 1 i willy Says:

    F- quitting smoking. I will Smoke anything… Turkeys, weed, cigars, and of course cigarretes…

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  7. blake Says:

    You assholes are getting spammed a lot. That quit banging fatties is harder to do than it wuold seem.

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