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The TV gods are among the cruelest of the entertainment gods. Last night we nearly masturbated to death died of boredom with absolutely nothing of significance to watch on television. Unless you were interested in self-important celebrities congratulating themselves for their non-existent political influence. Or maybe watching fatties on treadmills get hazed by lesbians in spandex. Or Big Ten basketball. Yeah, it was a truly, truly horrendous night of television.

But then Wednesday rolls in with its embarrassment of viewing riches. The three hour Lost premiere AND a slew of highly watchable college basketball contests (one of which may or may not feature our alma mater in a big time game). Talk about your super-sized dilemmas.

Sure, we could do a little creative DVR work, but even then we’d have to pick a favorite to give the majority of our attention. And that’s pretty much the equivalent of choosing one girlfriend over the other. What’s the point of having both if you have to like one more than the other?

So what will we do? Only time will tell. The one thing that is for sure is that alcohol will be involved.

Eat a dick TV gods.

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