Texts From Last Night continues to be the greatest time thief around. If you’re bored at work and looking for a way to walk around the office with a eat shit grin despite clearly not wanting to be there, well, here you go…
(865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet
(219): The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes…but she doesn’t taste like cupcakes
(810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says “knucks.” And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I’ve ever had puking.
(706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday’s clothes and reeking of booze.
This is a whore-text, but it still made the cut:
(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
(519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we’re gonna get the mailman again
Text of the Week. Miss college anyone? What kind of douche has a romantic moment in school and actually admits to it? He deserves Jimmy’s small bladder:
(862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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