With New Moon fever sweeping the nation we thought the timing was right to put together a vampire list that substituted boobs for Rob Pattinson. You’re welcome.

#5: Star from The Lost Boys
Played by the now milfy Jami Gertz, we would have also drank the blood in order to make a run at her.

#4: Queen Akasha from Queen of the Damned
Played by the late Aaliyah, no one saw this movie but plenty of dudes thought Aaliyah looked hot in the trailer.

#3: Lillith from Bordello of Blood
Played by Angie Everhart, the only people who saw this flick were teenage virgins, Sly Stallone, and Dennis Miller’s mom. And the guy who put together this video.

#2: Santanico Pandemonium from From Dusk Till Dawn
Played by Salma Hayek, her iconic snake dance scene is arguably the all time greatest vampire movie burlesque scene. Here’s a reminder of how it made an already kick ass movie even more kick ass.

#1: Selene from Underworld
Played by goddess Kate Beckinsale, was there ever any doubt she’d be numero uno? What? You thought we might go with Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire? That’s weird on several different levels.

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