Why It Was Awesome:

• Was an excellent compliment to pounding beers in the dorm prior to a night out of not getting laid.
• Kicked ass in both single mode or four player deathmatch.
• Complicated, but not need-to-be-Fred-Savage’s-brother-from-The-Wizard complicated.
• Discovering creative ways to kill your friends with an assortment of weapons is a good time.
• It reaffirmed what you always kind of knew: that you have a little Bond in your DNA.

What You Remember Most:

• Fake humping the Russian chick whenever you had a chance.
• Mercilessly slaughtering anyone who was new to the game and its deathmatch mode.
• Your buddy’s little brother who had played so much he knew where to plant all the proximity mines and make the game zero fun.
• How many fucking bullets the last boss could take.
• Offing the soldier who dropped his guard while taking a shit (totally brought it on himself):

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In case you haven’t heard, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson (and Adam Scott) share a grouping for the first two rounds of the U.S. Open. Things are going to get weird. Here’s a sample of the conversation you’d hear if the #1 and #2 players in the world were miked up:

Tiger: “Have you ever considered fizzling out on Wednesday as opposed to shitting your pants on Sunday? That way you’d have a nice long weekend.”

Phil: “Had a fun phone conversation with Nicklaus this week. He’s REALLY broken up over your knee injury. Couldn’t stop laughing.”

Tiger: “What sort of tape do you use to keep those nipples down? Duck or masking? I know scotch doesn’t cut it.”

Phil: “What’s it like to be the only black dude on the planet to rock male pattern baldness?”

Tiger: “Where do you and all your fraternity brothers get your hair cut?”

Phil: “Stanford, huh? What’s worse, sucking at football, or sucking at basketball?”

Tiger: “Any truth to your Entourage cameo taking place at a sex club?”

Phil: “Remember that time you got on stage with Nickelback? That was awesome. You know, because Nickelback’s super Canadian. And they suck.”

Tiger: “If you want my opinion on whether it’s cooler to win the British Open or the U.S. Open, all you have to do is ask.”

Phil: “What’s your voice like when you’re not doing your best Tim Duncan impersonation?”

Tiger: “Remember when you were skinny?”

Phil: “Remember when you were black?”

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