FYI. Vanderbilt’s QB is going to play, so Vandy is a play at -6.

Vanderbilt (-6) v. Ole Miss - 1 Unit

Analysis: Ole Miss is fucking terrible.

By no means a great week last week, but we were able to churn out a small profit going 4-3 and winning 1.6 units.

It could have been a real nice week if East Carolina had come through, but it didn’t work out that way, so we move on…

The picks:

Boston College (+7) v. Georgia Tech - Two Units

This line has moved down to 6.5 almost everywhere, so I hope our loyal readers heeded our advice and got it at +7 yesterday. If you get it at under 7, I would move it down to a one unit play. Basically, I expect this game to be extremely competitive, so having a touchdown to work with should be huge.

Georgia Tech is being considerably overvalued in my opinion. Too much stock has been put into their wins over subpar competition. Their play-calling has been and will continue to be very conservative as they’re content to let their defense and running game win games for them. The only way I see Tech winning by double digits is if their defense forces turnovers. I’ll take my chances with veteran BC QB Matt Ryan.

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The H-Man’s full list of picks will not come out until tomorrow after noon, but due to some line movement the H-Man is anticipating on the BC/Georgia Tech game, you need to get BC +7 in now.

At the time of this writing, Sportsbook and Bodog still have BC at +7, but it’s currently being lowered by other services.

Move now and don’t say we didn’t warn you assholes!

Take Boston College (+7) v. Georgia Tech - Two Units

Not much to add. Last week went well, and will hopefully pave the way to an extremely successful season.

I appreciate all the kind words, but don’t worry, I will in no way let last week’s financial success and heaping praise go to my head.

Nope, I’m committed to working extremely hard to provide quality investments for my loyal readers.

(Snorts blow off of coffee table.)

(Orders three lingering Asian hookers to leave.)

It’s time for Week 2…

The picks:

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It’s that time of year again! Time to drift aimlessly from your loved ones and wish excruciatingly painful deaths upon 18-year old kids under extreme physical duress! Ladies and gentlemen, start your wagers!

Recommended wagers will be classified as 1 or 2 unit plays. 1 unit will be the most common, and you can expect maybe two to three 2 unit plays per week.

Being that this is the first week, I recommend treading lightly, you degenerate bastards.

The picks:

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Click here for Handicapping the SEC West.

SEC East - as always, in predicted order to finish.

1. Florida

Optimist says: The Gator offense has more going for it than any element on any team in this division. Receiving corps is ridiculously talented, led by Percy Harvin. Offensive line returns plenty of talent and experience.

Pessimist says: Defense will be the youngest in the country. The potential is there, but there is no question they will suffer some growing pains.

Overview: There’s no telling whether Tim Tebow will actually be a better fit in a full-time role than Chris Leak was. Assuming Tebow can handle the offense every down, Florida will be an absolute nightmare for defensive coordinators. However, when it comes to the BCS picture, it’s extremely doubtful that the defense can hold up their end of the bargain. There’s enough balance and explosiveness on offense to expect Florida to overcome the diminishing returns of the defense in regards to the division title.

Degenerate Ramblings: Their performance against the number will depend on how quickly the talented defense grows up. They should be involved in plenty of shootouts throughout the season.

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Alright SEC fans, what you’ve been begging for is finally here. Here’s a look at the western side of the only college football conference that’s worth a damn.

Please temper your erections.

SEC West - as always, in predicted order to finish.

1. LSU

Optimist says: The defense is insanely loaded across the board. This will be the most dominant unit in the country. QB Matt Flynn has appeared extremely capable, albeit in limited appearances. The offensive line is a huge, experienced group and probably the best in the conference. They’ll be favored in every single regular season game.

Pessimist says: Questions in the running game. The backfield lacks proven contributors. We haven’t seen Flynn face any adversity and it remains to be seen if he can win games on his own. LSU has struggled to maintain a championship level over an entire season and have displayed a disturbing tendency to commit crippling mistakes during crucial junctures of games. Also, Les Miles is an ill-tempered douchebag.

Overview: There’s no questioning the athleticism here, but it remains to be seen whether Les Miles can mold them into a more consistent performer. The previous two versions have been equally talented, yet have failed to take the conference title. Last year’s two losses were marred by missed opportunities and mistakes, despite a significant yardage edge in both games. If they can correct these brain-farts, there’s no question that they’ll get over the hump.

Degenerate Ramblings: Even my grandmother loves this team going into the season, so there will be a built-in premium when betting on them. However, if the offense can adjust to a new coordinator and QB and put up big numbers, they will beat the shit out of almost everybody.

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It’s officially game week and since most of us are usually too drunk by the time west coast games start to intently watch Pac 10 football, this conference analysis is going to be somewhat abbreviated.

Pac 10 - as always, in predicted order to finish.

1. USC

Optimist Says: Return 10 of 11 starters defensively. This will be Carrol’s finest defensive product by far. John David Booty continues to progress. Cheerleaders in sweaters are way cooler than they sound.

Pessimist Says: An abundance of backfield talent, but no proven go-to guy. Receivers are young and could be unreliable. Breaking in a new offensive coordinator.

Overview: USC wasn’t nearly as dominant last year as they have been in previous seasons, evidenced by a string of one score wins against the conference’s middle class. Due to offensive inexperience this will be a more defense oriented version than previous versions. They may not be as dominant as many expect. Regardless, USC remains the cream of the crop, and if they can avoid the turnover woes from last season will be tough to beat.

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The bottom dwellers of the Big 10.

Big 10 - Part II - as always, in predicted order to finish. (Click here for Part I.)

6. Purdue

Optimist says: 18 returning starters, most in the Big 10. QB Curtis Painter will certainly lead the league in passing yards and touchdowns. Could possibly start 5-0. My uncle drinks boilermakers and he’s hardcore.

Pessimist says: Defense has endured an abysmal slide the last two seasons. Their chances of turning it around diminish drastically with the loss of disruptive pass rusher Anthony Spencer. After two years of avoiding Michigan and Ohio State, they face both this season.

Overview: The Boilermakers are a model of mediocrity: undefeated against losing teams, winless against winning teams. The offense will put up numbers–particularly in the passing game–but it hasn’t been enough and it likely won’t be again this year unless the defense shows considerable improvement.

Degenerate Ramblings: Purdue performs well against bad teams and poorly against good teams. Basically, they should be decent as a favorite against the number, but horrid in underdog situations.

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Today we begin our journey through the Big 10 conference, the place where excruciatingly boring football is packaged by ESPN and mid-westerners as “Old School”.

Big 10 - as always, in predicted order to finish

1. Michigan

Optimist says: Offensively, the Wolverines are bringing back the best quarterback(Chad Henne), running back (Mike Hart), and wide receiver (Mario Willingham) in the conference. Schedule sets up very favorably, only tough road game is Wisconsin.

Pessimist says: Lose 31 lettermen and return the fewest amount of starters (10) in the conference. Lose a ton of veteran talent on the defensive side of the ball. The secondary could be extremely vulnerable.

Overview: The key for this team will be to finish: UM is 0-6 versus Ohio State and in bowl games the last three seasons. One must be wary of the Lloyd Carr Underachievement Factor, but this year they have the most talent and the kindest schedule in the conference.

Degenerate Ramblings: Michigan should have the most balanced and explosive attack in the Big 10, which is akin to being the most attractive girl in the state of Wisconsin. The offense should be consistent, but I don’t think they’ll put up the huge numbers that the public will expect.

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