Today’s lesson will take you through some of the most fascinating and endearing locales in our great country: West Virginia, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, and New Jersey! (Hair gel not included).

Good God, I’d rather vacation in Zimbabwe than make an extended Big East road trip.

Big East - as always, in predicted order to finish.

1. West Virginia

Optimist says: There’s no doubt that the offense will be insanely productive, with a disciplined line and the perfect system in place to exploit the supreme talents of Pat White and Steve Slaton. Pivotal Louisville matchup is in Morgantown. They’ll be favored in all twelve games.

Pessimist says: While the rush defense improved last season, the pass defense regressed to 109th in the country. Several tricky road games, including South Florida and Rutgers.

Overview: The conference title will come down to the Louisville game, which should be the most intriguing matchup of the year. Everything seems to be in line here for an undefeated season. Rodriguez has his system fully in place and plenty of veteran talent on hand to capitalize.

Degenerate Ramblings: This was a scary team to lay chalk with last year as the porous secondary constantly left the dreaded back-door cover in play. There certainly won’t be much line value here with no shortage of excitement surrounding this team. That being said, they’ll be scary as hell to bet against as well.

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Click here for yesterday’s Handicapping the Big 12 South.

Big 12 North - as always, in predicted order to finish.

1. Nebraska

Optimist says: 8-2 against the rest of the division the last two seasons, 5-0 last season (and only one of those was really close, an overtime win against Kansas).  The offense seems to now have the big play talent they have sorely lacked since the arrival of Bill Callahan.  Arizona State transfer QB Sam Keller appears to be the real deal.  Defense continues to progress.

Pessimist says: Only 11 returning starters.  Division title will most likely be determined on the road versus Missouri on October 6th.

Overview: Not everybody thinks so, but the Cornhuskers strike me as the dead obvious favorite in this division again.  They’re still the most talented team in the division and really should have no problem taking care of business.  I think Keller could end up being really good and potentially make them a national player.  Unfortunately, they face Texas and USC and it’s difficult to fathom them pulling out a win in one of these games, much less both of them.

Degenerate Ramblings:  I expect them to outperform expectations at the beginning of the season. Nebraska could be a strong wagering option early on.

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Welcome back class! Today’s lesson will take you through the fascinating landscape of the Big 12! Seriously, if you have access to Adderral or Ritalin, now might be a good time to pop one. Or three.

As always, I’ll be going through the teams as I anticipate them to finish in their division.

Big 12 South

1. Oklahoma

Optimist says: Return the most starters in the league (15). Defense is absolutely loaded across the board, probably the best secondary in the country. Offensive line is talented and experienced. They should have no trouble paving the way for a stable of talented running backs. Excluding their game with Texas, Oklahoma will be favored by over a touchdown in every regular season game.

Pessimist says: Will be starting a freshman at quarterback (redshirt freshman Sam Bradford or true freshman Keith Nichol).

Overview: While riding a freshman quarterback is typically a recipe for disaster versus elite competition, few quarterbacks of any class are blessed with a defense on the level of Oklahoma’s. The running game should be consistently productive, requiring only minimal contributions through the air. As usual, the conference title will rest on the annual matchup with Texas. While Texas has come out on top the last two years, the talent differential enjoyed by the Longhorns has closed dramatically. All things being equal, I’ll take Stoops over Mac Brown every single time.

Degenerate Ramblings: I’m in no hurry to bet against this squad but they could have trouble covering large spreads because of extremely conservative play calling. Contingent on a reasonable spread, I will strongly consider a play on Oklahoma against Texas.

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Click here for yesterday’s Handicapping the ACC Coastal.

ACC Atlantic

1. Florida State

Optimist says: Vastly improved coaching staff with the return of Chuckie “The Breasts” Amato and the arrival of Jimbo Fisher. And more importantly, the long overdue departure of nationally renowned dipshit Jeff Bowden. Fourteen returning starters, nine on defense, the defensive back seven is loaded with talent and experience.

Pessimist says: Quarterback shuffling could certainly be a factor as the season progresses. They’ll probably start off with Drew Weatherford, but he’s never inspired much confidence. The running game has really struggled the past few seasons. Pass rush was surprisingly inept last season.

Overview: Seriously, what in the hell is the deal with this division? It honestly feels like you could put all six teams in a hat, draw them out at random, and regardless what the order it would make sense. That being said, if Florida State puts it all together they could easily out-class the rest of the division. But this is completely dependent on existing talent responding favorably to the staff overhaul.

Degenerate Ramblings: This team has been a wagering black hole the last few seasons. If–and this is a big if–Fisher can bring stability and balance to the offense, this could be a scary team to bet against. The opening game at Clemson will reveal a lot about both teams, but I wouldn’t bet on that game with Monopoly money.

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I’m stoked about my role here at NextRound as college football contributor/gambling advisor for the upcoming season. In order to adhere with NextRound’s corporate policy, I will attempt to incorporate as many pop culture/current female du jour references as possible. (Speaking of which, I had a really random sexual dream involving one Ms. Erin Andrews recently. She was on top, climbed off, and then conducted a mock interview in which she asked what kind of halftime-adjustments I was going to make before going doggy-style. Strange.)

Once the season starts, I will be releasing a picks column each Thursday outlining what I’ll be wagering on over the weekend and why. Hopefully, this will be a profitable venture for all involved.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be going through each of the major conferences, giving my predicted order of finish and some thoughts to consider before the season begins. The key to successful college football wagering is finding overvalued and undervalued teams before Vegas and the betting public catches on, and betting accordingly. Hopefully, this series of articles will help in that regard.

First up, the offensively challenged ACC!

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