The Academy Awards are Sunday night. And just like every year they create a predicament for the average dude. On the one hand, you like movies and it’s not like there’s anything else on TV that Sunday night. But on the other hand, you’d rather admit to your friends that your Ipod is loaded with Avril Lavigne tracks than have them find out you watch awards shows.

So once again we’re here to determine whether this is something you–a cool and tough member of society–can pull off, or if it’s something you have no shot getting away with, and therefore irrefutably lame. Let the analysis begin!

Unlike most subjects we cover in this segment, the Oscars aren’t cut and dry. Sure, it’s virtually impossible to not question your own sexuality if you watch the Oscars telecast from start to finish, but there are plenty of OK aspects along with the multitude of super gay ones. That’s why we’ve decided to break out what you can and can’t get away with in two convenient lists.

Note: The OK aspects are far more acceptable when you’ve got a chick with you. Then you can play it all off as “just compromising”. If you do any of the following solo, you’re pretty much a loser.

What You Can Get Away With:

• Seeing who wins the big categories (i.e. Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor)
• Watching the intro if the host is someone genuinely clever (i.e. John Stewart; i.e. not Whoopi Goldberg).
• Rooting for Javier Bardem because he was a raging badass in “No Country for Old Men”.
• Mercilessly tooling on Sean Penn for being a self-righteous douchebag whenever the camera pans over him.
• Vocalizing how awesome you think Jack Nicholson is every time the camera pans over him.
• Mentioning that you think Helen Mirren is kind of awesome for an old chick (evidenced here).
• Mentally ranking hot chicks on the D.C. 1-10 hotness scale (i.e. Charlize Theron a 17).

That’s pretty much it. Nothing you should be proud of, but nothing that deserves extreme ridicule either.

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Is Taking Classes at the Gym Irrefutably Lame?

While being a gym rat is decidedly lame, there’s nothing cool about being a big tub of goo either, so hitting up the gym for a little routine maintenance is a necessary evil.

The question is: how do you go about it?

It’s fairly easy to put yourself in a position of ridicule when it comes to exercise. For example, shirtless jogging. It’s just plain gay. Don’t do it. And if you do, be prepared for a world of verbal abuse from your friends. They better make you feel like Lance Bass for ever thinking photos of Matthew McConaughey out for a run looked cool.

Free weights, basketball, and shirted jogging are pretty much universally acceptable, as long as you don’t grunt. But what about other stuff? Like that pilates class you “accidentally” stumbled into last Tuesday night and secretly enjoyed?

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Is Drooling Over Erin Andrews Now Irrefutably Lame?

This time last year this would have been a ludicrous question to ask. But seeing that Erin Andrews ran away with the voting for Playboy’s Most Bonable Sideline Reporter (or whatever the hell they called it), we now must ask ourselves an uncomfortable questions:

Is Erin Andrews officially the Ben Wallace of sideline reporters? Someone who made such a drastic turn from underrated to overrated that it’s no longer cool to support them.

Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Erin is now too popular for her own good (or maybe she’s too popular for our own good, it’s one of the two).

Nine months ago texting your buddy that Erin may or may not be wearing a padded bra on sideline of Rupp arena was clever. Now, not so much. The masses have  gotten a hold of her and–of course–ruined it for the rest of us.

We’re as guilty as anyone. Our incessantly stalking writing about her in the past (here, here, here, and creepily here) didn’t help the cause. For that, we apologize.

So, going forward, be prepared to be labeled an unoriginal lameass if you make reference to Erin’s hotness in a crowded room. It’s no longer cool and you won’t be either. (Our number one suggestion is that you start making reference to the dirty things Colleen Dominguez’s ‘Do-Me’ eyes are commanding you to perform on her.)

Because starting today Drooling Over Erin Andrews is Irrefutably Lame.

Side Note: Does anyone else think Erin may be combating her own popularity by purposely looking less attractive over the last six months? Did she off ESPN’s traveling makeup lady? Is it possible to have your nose surgically enlarged?

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Is Urinal Conversation Irrefutably Lame?

To our own chagrin, we’ve had a little too much workplace experience over the last few years. One office phenomenon that has consistently gotten under our skin is urinal conversation.

What are the guidelines? When is it appropriate? Is it ever appropriate? Where should you direct your eyes? What topics are in bounds?

Our boy JB can’t even get a stream going if you so much as say “What’s Up?” to him in a bathroom. The guy doesn’t drink liquids at work because he holds it all day long. It’s a real disorder he suffers from. We’re sure there are literally millions hundreds of other people out there that suffer from the same neurosis.

And without fail, when you’re in the office restroom, it’s always someone who sucks in your office that wants to make conversation. It’s never, “How about that game last night?”, it’s always something utterly mind-numbing like, “How much do you pay for a haircut?”

Since there’s so much gray area involved, we feel the only appropriate thing to do here is make a blanket judgment and set a protocol to eliminate all awkwardness. So, no matter what the setting–professional or social–unless you’re pulling the “Nice watch” line (which is a classic)…

Urinal conversation is irrefutably lame.

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The segment where NextRound passes judgment on uncool topics to determine what you can get away with and what is irrefutably lame.

Is Being a Hockey Fan Irrefutably Lame?

Apparently the NHL season started in September. Who knew? We were under the impression the strike was still going on. Talk about a sport that has lost any and all relevance.

Think about these facts:

1) The NHL is now aired on Versus, a basic cable channel that is headlined by Dennis Miller and boasts Tour de France coverage.

2) It’s easier to get MMA results than NHL highlights on ESPN.

3) There’s only a 3-day weekend between when the NHL playoffs end and the next season begins. And,

4) The average American sports fan can’t name 50% of the teams when given the city, let alone one Eastern Europeaner that plays for them.

So the real question is, what do we make of those few lonely soles that support hockey? The guys who still follow box scores, continue to rock “Hull” jerseys, and say a silent prayer every night that their sport will one day rise from the ashes?

The only virtues that hockey has left are A) it looks pretty good the seldom times it’s broadcast in HD, B) fighting and poor dentistry remain prevalent, and C) NHL players still rake in some primo tail (evidenced here).

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The segment where NextRound passes judgement on what you can get away with and what is irrefutably lame.

REMINDER: We don’t think any of the things are cool, we’re just determining whether they deserve a pass or a gender reassignment consultation.

Is Being a Jesse Palmer Fan Irrefutably Lame?

With former Gator quarterback and–more infamously–former “Bachelor”, Jesse Palmer, becoming a staple on ESPN’s college football coverage, we’ve been hit with quite the quandary.

Because Jesse Palmer is actually good at his job. Sure, outside of the Gameday crew the bar is set pretty low for college football coverage in Bristol, but still, Palmer has at no point encouraged us to bludgeon ourselves, which cannot be said for Lou Holtz and Mark May.

We guess the real question is: are we contractually obligated to dislike any dude who’s starred in “The Bachelor” regardless of their future endeavours?

We think the answer is no. If the guy’s a raging lameass, then sure, dislike him forever. But as far as we’re concerned–solely based on him not sucking on ESPN–Palmer only agreed to do “The Bachelor” so he could 1) get his foot in the network door, 2) run through some strange ass without consequence, and 3) get the fuck away from Tom Coughlin.

So, while we wouldn’t recommend bragging to co-workers that you’re a massive Jesse Palmer fan…

Being a Jesse Palmer fan is not irrefutably lame.

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click here for What is Irrefutably Lame? Part I

Back for another edition of ‘What is Irrefutably Lame?’, the segment where the NextRound Team (aka Team Cool & Tough) passes judgment on what you can get away with and what is irrefutably lame. REMINDER: we don’t think any of the things we’re passing judgment on are particularly cool, we’re just determining whether they should get a pass or you should get a Punch in the Face Friday nomination for them.

In case you’re still unfamiliar, check out Part I for further explanation.

And here we go…

Is Making Conversation at the Gym Irrefutably Lame?

I thought we’d start off with a no-brainer that is also kind of a public service announcement to anyone who may have somehow brainwashed themselves into thinking talking to people you don’t know at the gym is OK.

The inspiration for this struck a few weeks ago when I witnessed some Under Armour wearing goon attempt to start three separate conversations about politics with other dudes in the gym. Three separate conversations. He actually got one off the ground. I don’t really care to get into details (I don’t really care for politics), but let’s just say things got uncomfortable for everyone near the free weights. And let’s just say that it’s a good thing some genius invented the MP3 player, because otherwise this guy would have certainly taken a ten pound plate to the cranium. True story.

Bottom line: You can only speak to people at them gym if you already know them prior to the gym encounter. Head nods are the maximum form of communication for everyone else. If you find yourself attempting to start generic conversations with people just because they are in close vicinity to you and those same people completely ignore you, that’s a you problem. I’d suggest some serious internal analysis.

Making conversation at the gym is irrefutably lame.

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This column is dedicated to passing judgment on lameness.

As your twenties creep along you find the amount of lame shit in your life increasing exponentially. I guess it correlates with all that job, relationship, responsibility, blah, blah, blah crap that “supposedly” increases in your twenties as well. Here we do our best to pretend these things don’t exist. (Most notably Booth, who is currently thumbing threw an “US Weekly” on my couch.)

And what sucks most about all the exponential lameness is that your buddies are still going to call you a douchebag, or a homo, or a doormat for all that stuff, regardless of how old you are or whether the lame stuff is avoidable or not. Chances are, you being less cool than the 18 year old version of yourself isn’t avoidable. Most of this lameness is just a direct result of your job or your girlfriend or you just simply being less cool than the 18 year old version of yourself.

The trick is a happy medium. You’re going to be able to pull off a few lame things you probably shouldn’t, and you’re going to be able to weather a lot of good natured ball busting.

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