We haven’t been too secretive about our appreciation for Paul Rudd, so it should come as no surprise that we think I Love You, Man – despite the uninspired title — looks pretty decent. Check out the trailer.

Couple of things we’d like to point out:

• J.K. Simmons is the most underrated actor in Hollywood (the pound at the dinner table is awe-some).

• The premise is unrealistic for two reasons: A) Any dude in his thirties who doesn’t have a single guy friend is a raging douche, and B) no dude in their thirties who does have guy friends is looking to make additional guy friends.

• Andy Samberg should make a career out of supporting roles in comedies. Too bad he won’t.

• Nice to see Karen from The Office getting some work. We figured she’d be doing tampon ads by now.

• Jason Segal’s hair looks like he wants people to think he’s wearing a toupee.

• Jim Dangle should be required to wear short shorts in every role he takes.

This post is more a public service announcement to our audience than our standard comedy-laced critique of a movie preview. After watching the trailer to He’s Just Not That Into You we’re prepared to deem it the shitty date movie of 2009 that just about every dude with a lady friend will end up encountering at some point or another. Whether it’s you being forced to act like a dick when refusing to see it, or you agreeing to watch it on DVD as long as you can simultaneously use your laptop, or — god forbid — you being dragged to see it in the theater, this flick is pretty much guaranteed to enter your life. Time to take cover.

Please prepare yourself for being expected to take Kevin Connolly seriously…

What We Know:

• If Drew Barrymore were a superhero her name would be Anti Boner.
• Legislation should be passed where cheating with Scarlett Johansson doesn’t legally count as adultery.
• Jennifer Aniston left her fastball in the 20th century.
• Jennifer Connelly would be getting off the express train to Poundtown before she even realized she got on.
• The dude who played The Sack should forever be typecast as The Sack.
• Ben Affleck in supporting roles is way more likable than Ben Affleck in leading roles.

What We Can Guess:

• That little girl probably did smell like dog poo.
• Chicks will cream themselves while watching this trailer.
• Royalties from romantic comedies have kept The Cure in eyeliner for the last decade.
• Wardrobe suggested that Kevin Connolly give shoe lifts a try on more than one occasion.

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Here’s the trailer for Transporter 3, the third installment of Jason Statham’s uber realistic action franchise about a limo driver with a penchant for fighting shirtless. Steve Irony has been begging us to post something on this so here we go…

What We Know:

• These flicks are best viewed when hungover on Sundays.
• Statham will — at some point — need to take his shirt off in order to effectively fight bad guys.
• They really need to cast chicks with bigger boobs in these Transporter movies.
• A surprisingly large number of straight dudes are “gay for Statham”.

What We Can Guess:

• The screenwriter for Transporter 3 has seen Speed.
• We are rarely recommended as “the men for the job.”
• The southern dude from Prison Break isn’t really an inbred hick at all.
• Hand-to-hand combat in a suit is as easy as it looks.
• If Statham offered us a ride to anywhere but Poundtown we would take it.

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Here’s the trailer for Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Kevin Smith’s new comedy starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. It opens in a couple of weeks, so it’s probably time we take a look…

What We Know:

• The first thirty seconds of this trailer may be reason enough to see the movie. “You’re a rad dude.”
• It’s weird to see Seth Rogen in a movie Judd Apatow has nothing to do with.
• It’s even weirder to see the Kevin Smith regulars mixed in with the Apatow regulars.
• Randal from Clerks should be allowed to be in non-Kevin Smith movies.
• The Star Trek themed porn we have on DVD gets a little overzealous with the alien makeup.

What We Can Guess:

• People are going to start realizing how truly awesome Craig Robinson is after this flick.
• Traci Lords would make a man out of us.
• Zack doesn’t get past second base on camera.
• We’re going to start telling chicks we “have some cream for them”, and then play it off as a joke from this movie if they don’t run with it.

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Here’s the trailer for Fast & Furious (aka The Fast and the Furious 4), which reunites the cast from the award winning critically acclaimed original. Let’s dive in.

What We Know:

• It’s a lot easier to make the sequel no one originally wanted to make when the cast isn’t getting any other offers.
• Vin Diesel plays Dungeons & Dragons.
• Being a truck driver in the Dominican Republic is a really shitty job.
• Paul Walker’s acting range is on par with Kevin Federline’s.

What We Can Guess:

• Michelle Rodriguez isn’t into dudes.
• Whoever was planning on naming this flick 4 Fast 4 Furious woke up in the middle of the night and realized they’re an idiot.
• Vin Diesel calls himself Riddick when no one’s around.
• The earliest we’ll see this movie is three years from now on USA.
• The sequel to Eight Below will never get greenlit not matter how much Paul Walker begs for it.

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Here’s the trailer to Role Models starring Paul Rudd and Stifler. It’s a comedy that has something to do with a couple of losers who get forced to spend time with kids. The trailer doesn’t come off as creepy as that reads.

What We Know:

• Paul Rudd is awesome.
• We could use a Minotaur and Vodka.
• We’d walk across the street to bang Elizabeth Banks.
• Stifler owns playing himself in movies.
• McLovin looks the part of a Larper.
• That Matchbox 20 song is catchy despite it being a song by Matchbox 20.

What We Can Guess:

• The black kid says a lot of hilarious quasi racist stuff.
• We won’t be sentenced to summer camp the next time we get community service.
• We’ll be saying, “She’s got some boobies on her,” more often going forward.

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The first trailer for the Quantum of Solace has hit the world wide web and being the Bond aficionados we are we’re compelled to treat it to it’s own JAMBIT session.

What We Know:

• QoS picks up pretty much exactly where Casino Royale left off.
• Everyone who matters and didn’t die in the previous film is back for this one, including the way underrated Jeffrey Wright.
• Bobsledding is the only manner of transportation the director decided not to use in an action scene.
• Daniel Craig in his prime would kick the shit out of every other Bond in their prime, sans Connery. And don’t give us any of that, “Timothy Dalton was a mean m-fer” jazz.
• Anyone who says they aren’t motivated by revenge is motivated by revenge. Classic denial technique.
• You deserve to take a bullet if you get shot by a guy hanging upside down.

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In this installment of JAMBIT we’re taking a look at the recently released trailer for Guy Ritchie’s new flick, RocknRolla.

Like everyone, we think Lock, Stock is awesome. But we also think Snatch is just as good. It’s after those two where Ritchie’s resume starts looking a little dicey. And by “dicey” we mean “inconceivably miserable“.

What We Know:

• Guy Ritchie is trying to get back to what he does best, and that’s definitely a good thing.
• Madonna is supposedly dumping Ritchie, and if true it’s the biggest favor she could ever do him.
• Gerard Butler could tell us to give meth a try and we’d probably do it.
• Tom Wilkinson makes everything better (see: Michael Clayton, Batman Begins, and John Adams).
• We’re incapable of pinpointing just how hot Thandie Newton is.
• Ludacris is a surprisingly solid actor, and we’re not just saying that because we like the I Got Hoes video so much.
• British people are funny.

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Here’s the red band trailer to ‘Wanted’. Steve Irony has been ridiculously bullshit it’s taken this long to get it on the site. Why? Well, it’s chocked full of absurd action, bullet bending, Angelina looking hot, and a protagonist under 5′10″. That’s why…

What We Know:

• James McAvoy is the Scottish Shia LaBeouf. He’s getting cast in all sorts of leading roles despite kind of being a little bitch.
• The job stuff at the beginning is a pretty blatant ‘Fight Club’/'Matrix’ ripoff, except, unlike Keanu, McAvoy’s got an excuse for his crappy American accent.
• Angelina is getting better with age.
• Morgan Freeman dropping a big m-fer out of nowhere is pretty much the only thing that makes this trailer red band. And we’re OK with it.
• Common is in fucking everything lately.
• The director is some relatively unknown Russian dude, which explains his affinity for bullets and back tats.
• Wesley Gibson is actually a Director of Manufacturing in the McAllen, Texas area.
• It was nice of them to throw in the sunroof clip at the end just so you know for certain everything about this flick will — in fact — be completely over the top ludicrous.

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In today’s edition of JAMBIT (just put that together, pretty proud of ourselves) we’ll be examining the new red band trailer for “Step Brothers”, starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Our thoughts after the video. (NSFW Audio)

What We Know:

• The two stars share a real life man love for one another that appears to know no bounds (read: handjobs).
• Adam McKay, the director, is the same dude who directed ‘Anchorman’ and ‘Talledega Nights’, which means ‘Step Brothers’ probably won’t win any awards, but might contribute some new tremendously repeatable one-liners to the verbal arsenal of unoriginal white dudes across the country (i.e. “Milk was a bad choice” and “I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence”)
• Will Ferrell is reaching Adam Sandler levels of overexposure.
• Strategically placed f-bombs have the ability to turn a slightly funny movie into a pretty funny movie.
• Drum cymbals to the head and tuxes to an interview are a good time.
• We fucking love John Stamos references.

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