With every new year comes a fresh crop of emerging Hollywood actresses looking to go from “gets an occasional stalker” status to “horny dudes around the world Google my name” status. Here are our ten picks to make the leap to the big time in 2009…

Isabel Lucas

Isabel will be playing the other hot chick in this summer’s Transformers sequel. If Michael Bay knows what’s good for him he’ll have written in a shower scene for her and Megan Fox.

Rachel Nichols

Big, big year for our girl Rachel. Not only is she playing Scarlett in the upcoming G.I. Joe movie but she’s also in the new Star Trek flick. She’s going to have to hire an assistant just to comb through all the fanboy mail.

(more…)

We’ve done some research and it appears the only prerequisites to releasing a greatest hits album are a previous pay stub from a record label and a self-deprecating sense of humor. Take these for example…

Aaron Carter - “The Hits”. Anyone else considering buying this to find out how in fact he did beat Shaq?

Rick Astley - “Greatest Hits”. And by “greatest” he means “one”. And by “hits” he means “killer internet meme”.

(more…)

We were recently made aware of the new MTV reality show Bromance, which stars reality regular and undeniable waste-of-space, Brody Jenner. In case you’re unaware — which hopefully you are — Bromance is pretty much The Bachelor, except instead of a bunch of chicks fighting for one dude, a bunch of dudes fight for one dude. The winner is to be rewarded with a spot in Jenner’s entourage (and a lifetime of humiliation).

While we can maybe see this idea seeming funny at inception, there’s just no way to get around the gayness. That this show even exists is truly a testament to how dumb MTV thinks its audience is.

On our NR Group, Team Cool & Tough initially tried to come up with a list of things that are gayer than this show, which proved to be almost impossible (you can only list “butt sex” and “eating pizza off another dude’s back” so many times). So instead we decided to come up with a list of Things Less Gay Than Brody Jenner’s Show, Bromance. It was much easier.

• Gatsby Hats
• Dry Weddings
• Unicycles
• Sean Penn’s character in Milk
• Talking to a naked dude at the gym. While you’re also naked.
• Johnny Cakes
• Zac Efron
• Ferragamo Loafers
• Bragging about your credit score
• Neverland Ranch
• Parasailing
• The color “Magenta”
• Saving yourself for marriage
• Crying
• Spin Class
• The basement scene in Pulp Fiction
• Track Lighting
• This Picture
• Kittens
• High School Wrestling
• Seeing Twilight with another dude
• Turtlenecks
• Declining a BJ
• Ellen Degeneres

(more…)

Just in case we haven’t made it abundantly clear that we’re mailing it in this holiday week, we’ve grouped to together our most popular content of 2008 just in case you missed anything (if you didn’t miss anything it might be time to consider an online dating service).

Think of this as our version of the sitcom flashback episode…

The Life and Times of Mr. Belding

The 11 Most Uncomfortable Times to Have to Poop 

Imperial Stormtroopers: They’re Just Like Us!

All-Time Awkward David Stern Draft Handshakes

The Hotness Chronicles: Lori Loughlin 

Mangino Inspired “Our Coach” T-Shirts 

All-Time Repeatable Will Ferrell Lines 

W and the Olympics: A Photo Essay 

The Life and Times of Homeless Dudes Ravaged by Ninjas

People Who Suck in Your Office: Middle Stall Guy 

Mediocre NFL Players and Playmates: The Phenomenon

The 20 All-Time Greatest Photobombers

13 Absurdly Named Bond Girls and the Actresses Who Played Them

The Middle Finger in Sports: A Photo Essay

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great NFL Cheerleaders

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great CFB Cheerleaders

Things That Have Tried and Failed to Kill Nick Nolte 

16 Funny Senior Portraits and the Reasoning Behind Them 

12 Action Movies That Are Actually Comedies

The Best (Or Worst) of Drunk John Daly

16 Gangsta Car Pose Photos That Should Have Never Been Taken

Man did we kick ass in ‘08. See you ladies on the flipside.

Every year people across the country make unrealistic New Year’s resolutions. We’re no different. So as an ode to failed self betterment we’ve surveyed the members of Team Cool & Tough for New Year’s resolutions they’ve made and failed miserably at maintaining. As always, things get a little weird…

New Year’s Resolutions That Never Work Out:

• Stop Banging Fatties

• Don’t Get So Drunk You Crap Yourself

• Only Gamble with Discretionary Income

• Don’t Do Any Drugs That Involve a Dealer

• Only Masturbate When Aroused, Not Just Bored

• Don’t Use Profanity Around Children or Old People

• Always Wear a Condom with Strange

• Don’t Eat Fast Food Sober

• Pay Down Credit Cards

• Spend More Time with Family

• Be Less Racist

• Don’t Get Blacked Out on Work Nights

• Hit the Gym at Least Three Times a Week (No Drive-bys)

• Stop Convincing Yourself Strippers Really Like You

• Get a “Real” STD Test

• Say No to Happy Endings

• Be More Professional at Work (i.e. Stop Banging Receptionists)

• Date More Cougars

From our experience keeping the bar as low as possible is best when making a New Year’s resolution. Funny how often we come to that conclusion.

We sincerely hope none of our kids we don’t know about act like this on Christmas morning. If they do, god bless the poor bastard who got suckered into raising them.

In this corner…

The Nintendo 64 Kids. This holiday classic is kind of like the Christmas Vacation of holiday YouTube clips. You have to watch it every single year. Anyone else think the brother deserves his own horror franchise?

And in this corner…

The Pokemon Kid. It’s probably safe to assume this kid will develop a dependency of some sort in the future. There’s just no way you ever live this down.

Who ya got?

Is it weird that we want to see Valkyrie now that the early reviews are slamming Tom Cruise for being “distractingly bad”? Before we just figured we’d catch it on DVD or HBO, but now that we’re aware that we can get both WWII action/drama AND awesomely bad Tom Cruise eye patch acting out of one movie we plan to make it a priority over the holidays. Toss in that we’re pretty sure Cruise is the only actor in Valkyrie not speaking in a British accent (a la Kevin Costner in Robin Hood) and the whole thing sounds rather magical. And that’s what the holidays are about, correct?

All this eye patch talk leads to a discussion of even larger magnitude considering the company of actors Cruise is joining by wearing an eye patch for the big screen. Who wore one best? It’s a pretty tough call.

Was It Kurt Russell? He looked so awesome in an eye patch in Escape from New York they made a sequel and got him to rock one in Captain Ron. You have to think the only way Tango & Cash could have kicked any more ass is if he and Stallone each wore matching eye patches.

(more…)

There’s only one holiday movie we make a point to watch every single year and that’s Christmas Vacation. We consider it the pinnacle of all things Chevy Chase. If you briefly scan Chevy’s film resume you’ll come to the conclusion he probably feels the same way. So with Christmas right around the corner we’d like to point out a few of the many reasons Christmas Vacation is the awesomest holiday movie ever, in case you weren’t already aware.

Reason #1: The Clark and Eddie Dynamic

Ellen: “What are you looking at?”
Clark: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…”

And don’t forget…

Clark: “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”
Eddie: “Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.”

Clark: “Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on it’s way in from New York City.”
Eddie: [pause] “You serious, Clark?”

(more…)

They get hassled by 5.0!

They read magazines on the can!

(more…)

Everyone wants to take a gangsta car pose photo. That doesn’t mean everyone should. Take these poses for example…

The My Moms Is Gangsta Pose

The Minivan in a Car Wash Pose

(more…)