On the eve of the tournament we met with Billy Packer during UNC’s practice in Raleigh to discuss monkeys, “fagging out”, and O.J. Simpson. We pretend it went something like this:

[Billy sitting in stands watching the Tarheel squad shoot free throws.]

NextRound: Hey, Billy, it’s us, the guys from NextRound.net. How’s it going? We’re here for the interview. Is now a good time?

Billy Packer: What the fuck is a next round?

NR: We’re a website…on the internet. Remember? We talked to your agent and scheduled a quick interview for tonight. He said it would be no big deal as long as you weren’t piss drunk already.

BP: Ha! Too late. What an asshole my agent is.

[Billy tips back plastic commemorative tournament cup.]

NR: Cool. Is that beer? Are they serving beer? A beer would be awesome right now.

BP: If by “beer”, you mean airplane bottles of Jack, and if by “they”, you mean my pants pockets, then yes.

[Billy digs into pants, disregards empties falling to the floor, pours bottle into second commemorative cup for us.]

NR: Bad. Ass. Dude, we take back like 50% of the shit we’ve said about you.

BP: A website, huh? I don’t know too much about computers, think they’re devil’s work. Are you one of those loggers Nantz has been warning me about? Can you explain to me what the hell computers and lumber have to do with one another. I inspected Nantz’s computer the other day and it seems like it’s made of metal and plastic.

NR: [Trying to determine if we heard the seal break when Billy opened the airplane bottle] Loggers? You mean BLOGgers. I guess you could technically call us that, except we don’t really report news, or do anything of substance. We just kind of make fun of people.

BP: Sounds a lot like my gig…So why you guys here? Want to talk about tomorrow’s matchups? I’ve only got about thirty minutes before I pass out.

NR: Tell you the truth Billy, we think our analysis is WAY better than yours, so we won’t waste either of our time. We want to talk about you. Ask you questions like: what pinnacle of your career do you consider more awesome? The time you called Iverson a “tough monkey”, or the time you told the chick working the door at a Duke game she should only be allowed to work women’s games.

BP: Oh, the lesbo at Cameron Indoor. 100 percent.

NR: Cool, that’s what we figured.

BP: What a royal bitch she was. Packer had to set her straight. The Iverson comment was taken out of context. I’m no racist. If anything, I just really like monkeys. I thought I was handing out some pretty high praise there.

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Click here to join NextRound’s 1st Annual Tournament Challenge: Booth v. All. You can win a t-shirt and a sweet set of steak knives just by beating NextRound’s marketing director/resident couch dweller.

Since it’s Booth v. All I’ll be using today’s column to outline and defend my bracket, primarily the controversial picks. Also, I want NextRound Nation to know what they’re up against over the next couple of weeks. The brackets won’t be visible on Yahoo Sports until tomorrow, but you can view mine by clicking on the above picture and zooming in.

Don’t think for a second I haven’t already printed out multiple of those bitches and cashed in on many a $2.99 Toasted Wrap Combo from KFC.

Here we go…

1st Round

Thursday

12:20PM (3) Xavier over (14) Georgia. What asshole scheduled this game? Did they think to themselves, Georgia just played 3 games in 30 hours; what is the shortest amount of rest we could possibly give them?

12:25PM (12) Temple over (5) Michigan State. I am not a fan of the Big Ten this year. I think Temple will be ready to play and I think Michigan St. will turn in another one of their inexplicable lackluster efforts.

2:55PM (9) Kent State over (8) UNLV. I don’t know dick about either of these teams, but Kent St. is a 2 point favorite so I’m going with the odds makers. Those guys are paid to know something about all the teams, especially the ones that play at the end of their strip.

7:10PM (11) Kansas St. over (6) USC. I am officially backing Michael Beasley over O.J. Mayo. I think Beasley solidifies himself as the number 1 overall pick in the NBA draft with a Superman-like performance.

9:55PM (10) Arizona over (7) W. Virginia. I love teams with great guard play in the tournament; Arizona’s PG Jerryd Bayless averages 20ppg. No relation to skip.

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[You knock on your boss’s door. He waves you in.]

You: Morning, boss. Gotta second for me to run something by you?

Your Boss: Sure, take a seat. What’s up?

You: Well, let me first say I’m a complete idiot for not bringing this up before now. But I’ve got this upcoming root canal scheduled. Think I’ve been working so hard I just blanked on it. I would have forgotten altogether if an Outlook reminder hadn’t just popped up. God bless Office 2003.

Your Boss: OK, not too big a deal. When is it?

You: It’s scheduled for this Thursday and Friday.

[Five seconds go by as he looks at you like he’s trying to figure out if you just farted.]

Your Boss: This Thursday and Friday?

You: Yeah. I think it’s two days because it’s such an important procedure. Luckily it’s only in the afternoons. Although I may not even be able to come in Friday morning because of the pain in my face. I’ll try to tough it out, of course. You know me, I’m a trooper.

Your Boss: It’s this Thursday and Friday, and only in the afternoon?

You: Yeah, I thought that was weird too. But hey, you can’t argue with doctors can you? The asshole probably has tee times both mornings and I’m the one whose schedule gets screwed.

Your Boss: So this two day dentist appointment…

You: Root canal, actually, sir. A lot more serious.

Your Boss: Oh, yeah, thanks for the clarification. “Root canal”. Sooooo, what you’re telling me is you have a two day “root canal”, only in the afternoons, and this root canal just happens to coincide with the first two rounds of the NCAA tournament.

[You do your best imitation of the who farted face right back at him.]

You: Huh? Sir, I’m going to have to apologize for my ignorance here, but I’m a little confused. What could my root canal possibly have to do with the NCAA tournament?

Your Boss: You’re saying there’s no correlation?

You: How could there be? One is an extensive medical procedure, something many people consider a serious surgery. I think I read somewhere where the mortality rate is up to about 10%. And the other is…what? A sporting event, right? I believe it’s basketball. Or is it baseball?

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Do you like the NCAA tournament? Do you like filling out brackets? Do you think Booth sucks? Do you like beer and t-shirts? Could you use a sweet set of steak knives?

If you answered at least two out of five “yes”, then you’ve come to the right place. Sure, you could randomly google the phrase “cleveland steamer” and probably find five sites holding a NCAA bracket challenge, but what are those sites offering for prizes? So far we’ve seen other sites awarding cash prizes and Nintendo Wiis, but we’ve yet to find another site offering NextRound t-shirts, a set of steak knives, and the personal satisfaction of kicking a dude named Booth when he’s already down.

This is how the first annual tournament challenge will go:

• We’ll mail anyone who beats Booth in overall points a NextRound t-shirt.
• The overall winner wins a sweet set of steak knives.
• And scoring goes like this:

First Round 1 point
Second Round 2 points
Third Round 4 points
Fourth Round 8 points
Semis 16 points
Championship 32 points
Maximum Possible: 192 points

Here’s how to sign up:

• Click here to access Yahoo Sports.
• Click “Join Group”.
• Login to Yahoo (you have to have a Yahoo ID to participate, which is kind of pain in the ass, we know).
• Enter Group ID “84026″ and password “nextround”.
• Give your bracket a name and pick the winners.

Booth’s, Maske’s, and the rest of Team Cool & Tough’s brackets will be up shortly. We’ll be updating regularly and will keep an update in the right sidebar under “sports picks”.

Please note: All contestants need to realize how much Booth really wants to win this set of steak knives. He’s been tearing flank steak apart with his teeth for too long. After the jump is Boothy’s bracket from last year. He’s set his goal for this year at 192 total points.

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The next three weekends are MASSIVE couch weekends for me. Well, almost every weekend is a massive couch weekend for me, but over the next three my ass will wage war against my upholstery. Tournament time is when Booth shines.

Now that NextRound 1.0 is finally starting to make an appearance, Maske wants me to initiate some creative marketing schemes to get everyone excited about the launch. What’s the first thing I came up with? You guessed it…

NextRound’s 1st Annual Tournament Challenge: Booth v. All

Starting Monday, we’ll be running a tournament pool, NextRound style. I’ll post my bracket and whoever beats me will win a NextRound t-shirt. The overall winner will win a sweet set of steak knives (they exist, swear).

To make sure everyone out there has a fair shot at those knives today’s column is dedicated to imparting a little knowledge on teams that have no shot at making the Final Four but could possibly get as far as the Elite 8 (or suck balls and get upset in the first round). Making the right decisions on these teams could mean the difference between you rocking a money NextRound T that will definitely lead to you taking home a young lady friend with questionable morals, or you spending another Friday night eating takeout with plastic silverware.

Of course, being the true marketing director I am, I plan to dominate this pool and take home the knives myself. Big Macs are WAY better when cut into fours. Besides, mailing t-shirts sounds like a lot of work.

The Moderately Good Breakdown

Here are a team or two from all the major conferences that we know right now will be in the NCAA tournament. All the following teams have question marks. I plan to use the conference tournaments to get a better feel for whether or not I’m comfortable backing them in the NCAAs.

Big Ten.

This is the most intriguing conference tournament. Not because any of the teams are any good, but because four teams from the Big Ten will definitely make the dance and all have the potential to go down early or make a deep run.

1) Wisconsin. The Badgers are going to be seeded WAY too high going into the NCAAs. Probably a 2 seed if they can win the Big Ten tourney. Don’t get fooled into thinking they will cruise into the Sweet 16; they could easily go down in the 2^nd round. Wisconsin only has 4-6 seed talent.

2) Purdue. I like the way this team plays. But traditionally young teams falter in the tourney. Keep this in mind when you make them your sleeper.

3) Indiana. The Hoosiers have sucked donkey nuts since their coach decided he hated himself. Do you think they will pull it together? How well these guys play this weekend will really influence how I feel about the in my bracket.

4) Michigan State. Everyone likes to back Izzo in the tourney because of his back to back to back Final Four runs, but this team has been Jekyll & Hyde all year. Be wary of expecting the Spartans to play well 3 games in a row.

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The conference tournaments (that matter) start this week and from there it’s bracket time. All of a sudden you think you might be feeling the madness. Here are the top five ways to know:

5) You Were Rooting for Both Teams to Lose on Saturday Night

You watched the Duke/North Carolina game. You saw the loser in the speedo. You listened to Vitale and could have sworn he was being orally serviced “Swordfish”-style. And while you aren’t soulless and you didn’t pray for a carpet bomb to go off, you rooted for the game to end in a tie and for both starting lineups to be outed via jumbotron at halftime.

4) Taking 500 Bucks Off the Humps in Your Office Is Starting to Sound Pretty Good

Half the dudes in your office are annoying in general and flat out insufferable when it comes to sports. The other half are just really fucking boring. You came in second in the office pool to an Ohio State fan last year and now it’s time for you to have your vengeance.

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In the last week or so the debate over National College Basketball Player of the Year has heated up. That’s because this is the only part of the season where it’s a viable topic. In another week or so the same college basketball analysts currently talking POY will only have time to debate three things: who’s in the tournament, who’s on the bubble, and who sucks and stays home.

This year Tyler Hansbrough is the media darling for POY. If you watch any college basketball on television you know the guy’s name is synonymous with phrases like “great motor” and “relentless play”. It’s enough to make one think that the analysts sporting Hansbrough Hard-Ons are talking about him eating a pizza off their backs, not playing power forward.

As far as wildly overrated players go, Tyler Hansbrough is about to set the record for most courtesy reach around offers extended to one human being.

Believe me, Hansbrough IS wildly overrated. He is nothing more than the college equivalent to Shaquille O’Neal in his NBA prime. His entire game consists of two things. First thing: he gets the ball, lowers his shoulder, and drives to the basket. Second thing: he misses his first shot, fouls the shit out of the defensive rebounder over the back, and either scores the put back or gets a cheap foul call from the refs.

I have to give the guy credit for being able to make a free throw, but any asshole could get 25 points and 12 rebounds when 8 of those rebounds are off his own misses and the butt pirate is handed 15 free throws a game when any other player would have fouled out with ten minutes left in the second half.

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