Weekly NFL picks from the winner of NR’s Search for the NFL Handicapper Contest…

Here are week 12 NFL Picks…

3 Units:

• Miami -1 vs. New England. Why is one team only getting 30% of the action when they beat the other team on the road by 25 and are playing home this time around? Oh yeah, the other team is the Patriots.

• New Orleans -2.5 vs. Green Bay. Should be a shootout with the soft Saints D. But Brees is good and they might get Bush back.

• San Diego -2.5 vs. Indianapolis. Hopefully LT breaks out for a good game. What a waste of a #1 pick in fantasy for me.

2 Units:

• Tennessee -5 vs. New York Jets. Game of the week. And I hope Favre returns to his old self and starts slinging INTs.

• Seattle +3.5 vs. Washington. I HATE Seattle.

• Arizona +3.5  vs. New York Giants. Arizona can’t stop the run and the Giants don’t stop the pass very well. If Kurt Warner doesn’t get knocked out I think the Cards cover.

1 Unit:

• Houston +3 vs. Cleveland. I’ll take Sage over Brady and his bad finger.

• Atlanta -1 vs. Carolina. Who cares?

These NFL picks are sponsored by BetUS Sportsbook – We’ve got YOUR game!

Weekly NFL picks from the winner of NR’s Search for the NFL Handicapper Contest…

Here we go for this week. Just like to start by saying this is an ugly week for betting. A lot more plays in college than in the pros.

3 Units:

• Seattle +3 vs. Arizona. Hasselbeck is back. And how average did the Cardinals look on MNF?
• Jacksonville +3 vs. Tennessee. The Jags have burned me a lot this year, but I think they get it done at home.

2 Units:

• San Diego +5 at Pittsburgh. Where has LT gone?
• Kansas City +5.5 vs. New Orleans. The Chefs — not the Chiefs — over the Saints.
• Green Bay -3.5 vs. Chicago. Blah.

1 Unit:

• Cleveland +5 at Buffalo. Officially on the BQ bandwagon.
• Denver +6.5 at Atlanta.

These NFL picks are sponsored by BetUS Sportsbook – We’ve got YOUR game!

Weekly NFL picks from the winner of NR’s Search for the NFL Handicapper Contest…

Don’t have much time to write these up because I’m at the Phillies parade. Here are my stone cold locks. I bet a lot of losing teams, so beware…

3 Unit Picks:

• Seattle +6.5 vs. Philadelphia. Going against my hometown team on this one. Just don’t like teams that have to fly across the country to play.

• Washington -2 vs. Pittsburgh.

• Miami +3.5 at Denver. Try to get it at 3.5.

2 Unit Picks:

• Oakland +3 vs. Atlanta. Both teams aren’t good.

• New York Giants -8.5 vs. Dallas. The Cowboys are old and in trouble. They may not make the playoffs.

• Houston +5 at Minnesota. The Texans are rolling and I’ve got a lot of their players on my fantasy team.

PHILLIES RULE!

And his name is Frank C.

Frank obliterated the competition and made the National Football League his bitch over an eight week period, fully convincing us that we should be betting his NFL picks.

Frank finished a remarkable +22.1 units overall. To put that into perspective, if you’d bet $100 on each of Frank’s picks you’d be up over two grand right now. To put that into further perspective, second place finished +5.3 units (and that guy didn’t participate every week like Frank did).

Paint us gay for Frank C.’s NFL handicapping ability.

We recommend you spend the rest of today liquidating your assets so you can roll hard on Frank’s Week 9 NFL picks that are to be published in his new Friday afternoon article. We personally guarantee they’ll be a better play than the stock market.

Week 8 results and the final overall standings after the jump. Thanks to everyone who participated.

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It’s Week 8. The final week. Frank C. has a ginormous lead that he probably couldn’t lose if he tried, but the rest of us might as well go down swinging. Or just start betting his picks one week early. Below are my bet-the-mortgage picks followed by the overall standings. Good luck on Sunday.

Contest Info: Enter your picks in the comments section. The overall winner after Week 8 gets their own Friday column as NextRound’s resident NFL Handicapper. To be eligible to win you must participate in 6 out of 8 weeks and submit at least 30 picks overall. Check out the full guidelines here. We’ll be using Sportsbook’s NFL lines for the purposes of the contest and will make judgment calls on discrepancies.

Booth’s Week 6 Picks:

3 units:
Bucs +1.5
Falcons +9
Panthers -4
Giants +3
Patriots -7.5

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1) He’s Unoriginal.

Larry Johnson has now been accused of assault four times in five years. All involving women. Because — as everyone knows — pushing around women is the ultimate testament to manliness.

We are in no way advocate breaking the law, but if you’re going to repeatedly do so at least be original. Keep people guessing. Hold up a liquor store, traffic cocaine, pit domestic animals against one another, something different. Sean Connery told us smacking bitches around gets old after a while.

2) He Has Bodyguards.

Larry Johnson goes to work in a helmet and lives in Kansas City — where the biggest threat to anyone is the occasional barbecue stain — yet the dude is under the impression he’s so famous he needs bodyguards.

We have to admit, they do come in handy when you want to spit your drink on a chick without having to worry about her nails causing you any harm.

3) He’s Fantasy Football Poison.

Larry Johnson’s ‘05 and ‘06 seasons were the worst things to happen to fantasy football owners since Tommy Maddox. Based on two years of running behind Willie Roaf, Johnson has already ruined some poor schmuck in your league’s season. It’s even worse if that poor schmuck traded for him (Proto…).

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The legend of Frank C. continues to grow as Frank went +9.8 units this past weekend and overwhelmingly took home Week 7’s Shannon Sharpe Award. It’s to the point where we’re beginning to wonder if Frank has just simply figured out how to hack into our comments section. Pretty clever of him to always lose one game though, hmmm… Frank has almost an insurmountable lead going into the final week and we wish him the best of luck in not epically shitting the bed. Speaking of epically shitting the bed…

Week 7’s Flaccid Penis Award goes to Team C&T’s own Toast, who went 0-4 and a -8.8 units, which, ironically enough, completely wiped out his winning margin and leaves him at exactly zero for the contest. If you know Toast, you know just how fitting this is. Actually, we guess you don’t really have to know him to put together that he’s a big zero.

Here are the rest of the Week 7 results followed by the overall standings. We’re just one week away from crowning a winner…

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Contest Info: Enter your picks in the comments section. The overall winner after Week 8 gets their own Friday column as NextRound’s resident NFL Handicapper. To be eligible to win you must participate in 6 out of 8 weeks and submit at least 30 picks overall. Check out the full guidelines here. We’ll be using Sportsbook’s NFL lines for the purposes of the contest and will make judgment calls on discrepancies.

It’s the next to the last week. Get excited. Here are my surge-up-the-leaderboard picks for Week 8 followed by the overall standings. Good luck on Sunday.

Booth’s Week 7 Picks:

3 units:
Jets -3

2 units:
Browns +7.5
Colts -1

1 unit:
Broncos +3

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In a shocking turn of events Week 6’s Shannon Sharpe Award goes to yours truly. My ex-girlfriends would probably take issue with me bringing home this honor, but those skanks can suck it. I managed a respectable +3.8 units, going 2-1 on two unit picks and 2-0 on one unit picks. That’s what happens when you hop on the Matty Ice bandwagon. I’m happy to announce that I’m back in the top 5 thanks to my weekend effort and a couple of horrendous collapses by my competitors. Speaking of which…

Week 6’s Flaccid Penis Award goes to Boruboru, who — by his very own accord — was “going for broke”. Man, did he succeed in Orlovsky-esque fashion. Boruboru went -12.2 units for the weekend, dropping every single game but the 1 unit he put on the Browns last night. At first we thought it was a shame he didn’t go 0-fer, but the more we think about it it’s kind of fitting that the only W was a one unit bomb on Cleveland. Congrats, Boruboru. You went out with a bang. And now you’re firmly in donkey dick last place.

Here are the rest of the Week 6 results followed by the overall standings…

WEEK 6 RESULTS

Booth: +3.8 units

2 Units

Saints -7 - W
Falcons +3 - W
SF +4.5 - L

1 Unit

Browns +9 - W
Rams +13.5 - W

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Tony Romo is going to miss at least the next four weeks with the most devastating of all small digit injuries, the pinky injury. Many Cowboy fans are currently asking themselves: How is Romo going to ensure that he’ll back on the field as soon as possible? The answer: By maintaining a rigorous pinky rehabilitation schedule, of course.

What people first need to realize though is that pinky rehab is more about state of mind than it is physical recovery. Over the years alternative methods have proven to be far more effective than whirlpools, needles, and prescription drugs for this brand of injury. Here are a few of the proven techniques that Romo will be exploring to get back on the field — and back in your fantasy line up — as soon as possible:

1) Time with the Lady Friend. No treatment has proven itself more effective in the area of pinky rehabilitation than spending copious amounts of quality time with the special lady in one’s life. Even if it means…

• Going to a Fall Out Boy concert even though you exclusively jam out to classic rock.

• Sucking a little face when all you want to do is finish your dessert.

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