It’s Election Day so it’s only fitting that we pay tribute to the comedic stylings of a basketball playing Canadian. We’ve always liked Steve Nash, but have thought of him as more quirky than clever. This new Vitamin Water spot proves otherwise.
Remember when he signed the Shaq shoe? That was awesome. And what about, “Nice tache”? Apparently in Canadia they shorten it even further by dropping the “s”.
[H/T: With Leather]
Weekly NFL picks from the winner of NR’s Search for the NFL Handicapper Contest…
Don’t have much time to write these up because I’m at the Phillies parade. Here are my stone cold locks. I bet a lot of losing teams, so beware…
3 Unit Picks:
2 Unit Picks:
PHILLIES RULE!
Booth picks winners! 95% all time ATS! Weekly CFB picks on NextRound.net!
Want to own nunchucks?! Wish chicks knew you could decimate their boyfriends with karate?! Just play Booth’s picks and your dreams will become a reality! Keep a roll of toilet paper nearby! You just might shit yourself!
After a disastrously rough week a lot of people get shell shocked and start second guessing themselves. Fuck that. As the great JK taught me: “When the going gets tough, the tough reload.”
Going forward I will make two promises:
1) I am out of the UConn business. In games involving UConn I am 1-2 for -2.3 units.
2) I am out of the New Mexico State business. In games involving the Aggies I am 0-3 for -3.3 units.
Now let’s get back on track…
Utah (-7.5) at New Mexico - 1 UNIT (9:30PM EST)
Coaching: Utah -5
Utah Coach Kyle Whittingham can flat out coach. He is one of the few guys who gets solid play in all three phases.
New Mexico Coach Rocky Long is the epitome of an average coach. I actually think that his career record in 11 seasons is 65-65 (if not it is very close to .500). He’s just not in the same class as Whittingham.
Home Field Advantage: New Mexico -2
New Mexico gets the edge because Utah has to travel and New Mexico has a solid fan base who create a decent atmosphere.
Quarterback Play: Utah -9
Utah QB Brian Johnson completes 66% of his passes and has passed for 1,625 yards with 13 TDs against only 7 INTs. Johnson has been extremely solid but he is not going to go out and throw for 365 yards and 5 TDs.
New Mexico QB Brad Gruner is 49 of 95 for 540 yards with 3 TDs and 5 INTs on the season. He might not be great, but the other New Mexico QB to see significant time this season is 50 of 75 yards with 0 TDs and 3 INTs. They just don’t have much to work with this year.
Talent: Utah -8.5
Utah has the best kicking game in the country. That gives Utah a huge advantage over their opponents.
New Mexico lacks dynamic playmakers on offense. There only offense is their star RB Rodney Ferguson who has rushed for 865 yards this season. He has rushed for over 1,100 yards each of the last 2 seasons.
Luckily Utah knows that Ferguson is the only option for New Mexico. Utah’s defense only gives up 86 ypg on the ground at an average of 2.7 ypc.
Schedule: New Mexico -4
Classic look ahead game for Utah with TCU lurking on the horizon next week, which honestly scares me to death, but I am going to grit me teeth and bear it.
Momentum: Utah -1
New Mexico is 4-5. Utah is undefeated.
ADVANTAGE: UTAH - 17.5. Take Utah -7.5.
And his name is Frank C.
Frank obliterated the competition and made the National Football League his bitch over an eight week period, fully convincing us that we should be betting his NFL picks.
Frank finished a remarkable +22.1 units overall. To put that into perspective, if you’d bet $100 on each of Frank’s picks you’d be up over two grand right now. To put that into further perspective, second place finished +5.3 units (and that guy didn’t participate every week like Frank did).
Paint us gay for Frank C.’s NFL handicapping ability.
We recommend you spend the rest of today liquidating your assets so you can roll hard on Frank’s Week 9 NFL picks that are to be published in his new Friday afternoon article. We personally guarantee they’ll be a better play than the stock market.
Week 8 results and the final overall standings after the jump. Thanks to everyone who participated.
John Daly spent several hours in the drunk tank of a Winston Salem, NC police station after he fell unconscious at a local Hooters at 2:17AM Wednesday morning. Officers called to the scene originally thought he needed medical attention but soon realized that he was just really fucking drunk.
We figured this latest footnote in the life of John Daly — getting bombed at Hooters on a Tuesday night and refusing to leave even three hours after they closed — calls for a retrospective on the life and times of drunken John Daly. Here is either the best or worst of, depending on how you view about photos of overweight drunk people:
The time he first encountered the topless stalker. The novelty had not worn off yet.
The time he gave a shirtless interview. Probably regretted that one.
The NBA season tipped off yesterday, and Charles Barkley got the ball rolling in typical Barkley fashion (i.e. being awesome) with a killer joke about Isiah Thomas’s alleged suicide attempt. Someone once told us that suicide jokes are “insensitive”, but we’re of the opinion that if more people could take a joke there would be less suicides. And we’re pretty sure Charles is on the same page.
The key thing to take away from all this is that the NBA — and more importantly Barkley — are back. And to celebrate we’ve scoured the world wide web for the exact wording of our all-time favorite Barkley quotes. They’re a nice reminder you can always be a little more awesome. Enjoy.
Athletes are just like us! They dress up for Halloween! Let’s take a look…
The time Grant Wistrom rocked your face as Mr. T.
The time Dennis Rodman dressed up as Gene Simmons. Isn’t it a requirement of the costume that your tongue be out for all pictures? And what were those chicks planning on mining for? Rodman’s career prospects?
It’s Week 8. The final week. Frank C. has a ginormous lead that he probably couldn’t lose if he tried, but the rest of us might as well go down swinging. Or just start betting his picks one week early. Below are my bet-the-mortgage picks followed by the overall standings. Good luck on Sunday.
Contest Info: Enter your picks in the comments section. The overall winner after Week 8 gets their own Friday column as NextRound’s resident NFL Handicapper. To be eligible to win you must participate in 6 out of 8 weeks and submit at least 30 picks overall. Check out the full guidelines here. We’ll be using Sportsbook’s NFL lines for the purposes of the contest and will make judgment calls on discrepancies.
Booth’s Week 6 Picks:
3 units:
Bucs +1.5
Falcons +9
Panthers -4
Giants +3
Patriots -7.5
Booth picks winners! 95% all time ATS! Weekly CFB picks on NextRound.net!
Want to know what stacks of cash feel like?! Wish you could tip strippers with twenties and not ask for change?! Just play Booth’s picks and your dreams will become a reality! Keep a roll of toilet paper nearby! You just might shit yourself!
I’m officially off the Riley Skinner Dong Express after last weekend. I might be off betting the ACC altogether. That conference is schizophrenic. Other than the Wake debacle things went pretty smoothly. Let’s see if we can put together an undefeated week this week.
Cincinnati (-2.5) at UConn (Noon) - 1 UNIT
Coaching: Cincinnati -3.5
In the past I’ve always thought of UConn Coach Randy Edsall as average, but I’ve changed my feelings on him this season. I think he gets a lot more out of his talent than I previously realized.
However, Cincinnati Coach Brian Kelly is one of the best coaches in the country. He put Central Michigan on the college football map before leading Cincinnati to a 10 win season last year.
Home Field Advantage: UConn -2
Cincinnati has to travel, but UConn doesn’t get the full 3 here. Earlier this season the Bearcats went on the road to Norman, Oklahoma and went blow for blow with the Sooners. They are definitely battle tested.
Quarterback: Cincinnati -7.5
Do I love the Cincinnati QB situation? Not really. But Tony Pike is returning which should give their passing game a shot in the arm.
Do I love the UConn QB situation? No. It’s a disaster. With Tyler Lorenzen out, Zach Frazer has to carry the passing game. He simply is not very good and teams are going to force him to beat them.
Talent: Cincinnati -3
This is extremely close. Cincinnati’s run defense holds opponents to 95 yards per game. UConn’s RB Donald Brown has been awesome so far this year, but will face his toughest test this weekend. With little to no passing game to speak of, Brown will have to earn every inch.
The difference in this game in terms of talent does not fall with offense or defense but special teams. Cincinnati has the clear edge.
Schedule: UConn -1.5
UConn gets to come home after 3 straight road games and the noon kickoff tends to favor the home team.
Momentum: Cincinnati -2
UConn has lost 2 straight games, both the games the Frazer kid has started after the Lorenzen injury. Cincinnati has won 4 straight games since losing to Oklahoma in Week 2.
ADVANTAGE: Cincinnati -12.5. Take Cincy -2.5.
1) He’s Unoriginal.
Larry Johnson has now been accused of assault four times in five years. All involving women. Because — as everyone knows — pushing around women is the ultimate testament to manliness.
We are in no way advocate breaking the law, but if you’re going to repeatedly do so at least be original. Keep people guessing. Hold up a liquor store, traffic cocaine, pit domestic animals against one another, something different. Sean Connery told us smacking bitches around gets old after a while.
2) He Has Bodyguards.
Larry Johnson goes to work in a helmet and lives in Kansas City — where the biggest threat to anyone is the occasional barbecue stain — yet the dude is under the impression he’s so famous he needs bodyguards.
We have to admit, they do come in handy when you want to spit your drink on a chick without having to worry about her nails causing you any harm.
3) He’s Fantasy Football Poison.
Larry Johnson’s ‘05 and ‘06 seasons were the worst things to happen to fantasy football owners since Tommy Maddox. Based on two years of running behind Willie Roaf, Johnson has already ruined some poor schmuck in your league’s season. It’s even worse if that poor schmuck traded for him (Proto…).
The only service on the web dedicated to helping groups of college friends slack off from work.
Week 13 Picks:
Week 12 Picks:
