In the last week or so the debate over National College Basketball Player of the Year has heated up. That’s because this is the only part of the season where it’s a viable topic. In another week or so the same college basketball analysts currently talking POY will only have time to debate three things: who’s in the tournament, who’s on the bubble, and who sucks and stays home.

This year Tyler Hansbrough is the media darling for POY. If you watch any college basketball on television you know the guy’s name is synonymous with phrases like “great motor” and “relentless play”. It’s enough to make one think that the analysts sporting Hansbrough Hard-Ons are talking about him eating a pizza off their backs, not playing power forward.

As far as wildly overrated players go, Tyler Hansbrough is about to set the record for most courtesy reach around offers extended to one human being.

Believe me, Hansbrough IS wildly overrated. He is nothing more than the college equivalent to Shaquille O’Neal in his NBA prime. His entire game consists of two things. First thing: he gets the ball, lowers his shoulder, and drives to the basket. Second thing: he misses his first shot, fouls the shit out of the defensive rebounder over the back, and either scores the put back or gets a cheap foul call from the refs.

I have to give the guy credit for being able to make a free throw, but any asshole could get 25 points and 12 rebounds when 8 of those rebounds are off his own misses and the butt pirate is handed 15 free throws a game when any other player would have fouled out with ten minutes left in the second half.

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After Michael Jordan retired from the Bulls (the second time), the NBA fell into a decade long funk. The game became terribly boring to watch for everyone from the casual fan to the most hardcore NBA supporter. What happened? Tim Duncan and Shaquille O’Neal happened.

Since Jordan’s retirement, a team with either Tim Duncan or Shaquille O’Neal on the roster has won the NBA Championship, except for 2004 when the Pistons upset O’Neal’s Lakers in the finals. History will look back fondly on Shaq and Duncan for their dominance. Sports writers will nostalgically remember the era of the unstoppable big man. But us fans are the losers. Because we’re the ones who had to sit through the boredom of watching teams walk the ball up the court and dump it inside.

Until Don Nelson happened.

Nelson took over the Mavs and brought back his “don’t worry about defense, just outscore them” philosophy. Initially other NBA franchises looked at Nelson’s style as a gimmick, not unlike the “Run and Shoot” offense in college football.

Then Mike D’Antoni happened.

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There are two types of gambling: Gambling to Win and Gambling for FUN.

The following column focuses on gambling for FUN. Do not misinterpret any of the below as advice on how to win money. If I knew how to win money my permanent residence would not be a series of my friends’ couches.

While most people are focusing on which team to wager on, I’m focusing on compiling my ten prop bets for the Super Bowl. This can be a long and arduous process due to the sheer quantity of prop bets available. Luckily, I’ve spent a quarter of a lifetime developing an intricate seven step system to wade through the sea of props.

The Goals:

1) To wager on prop bets that will be determined at several different points throughout the Super Bowl, &

2) To wager on prop bets that will spread your routing interests evenly between Giants’ players, Patriots’ players, and random shit that goes on throughout the game.

STEP 1: BET THE COIN TOSS

You MUST bet on the coin toss. It is really the most affective way to establish yourself as the coolest and toughest person at the your Super Bowl party. And not only will it establish that you are ridiculously cool and tough, but it will also send a clear message to all the amateur sports fans around you that you are a degenerate gamble who does not socialize while the game is being played. Nothing makes me want to stab someone with a plastic fork more than being asked a pointless question like what I do for a living when I’m sweating out whether Junior Seau can get over the 5.5 tackles total.

When it comes to the toss I always pick the team I think is going to win the toss instead of heads or tails, because the Super Bowl usually uses some weird commemorative coin with Vince Lombardi’s face plastered on one side, and the refs never clarify which side is heads and which is tails.

Super Bowl XL the coin had the Steelers’ logo on one side and the Seahawks’ logo on the other. Tom Brady (who was ironically the ceremonial tosser of the salad coin that year) just flipped it and the toss went to Seattle since their logo was up. Brady must have been busy devising his plan to impregnate hot actresses and then bang hot models, because the fucker didn’t even name heads or tails.

If I remember correctly Vegas and the online sports books had to NO ACTION all the coin toss bets. Fuck that. My middle name is ACTION. That shit doesn’t fly for me.

So, how do you pick which team to bet on? Simple, decide who’s the biggest mush you know (in my case Toast) and ask him who he thinks will win the coin toss. Then bet the opposite.

My Pick: Giants

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Here are three common ignorant statements you’ll probably hear some blowhard make over the next couple of weeks:

1) “The Colts Are Better Off If Tony Dungy Retires”

Tony Dungy has lost in the opening round of the playoffs three out of the last four years. All three of those years the Colts were at home, a heavy favorite, and coming off a bye. Many people use these stats to pad a claim that Dungy is not a good playoff coach and hasn’t maximized the Colts’ potential in the post-season.

In reality though, Tony Dungy is a very good playoff coach. The one hole in his coaching abilities is that he can’t get his team to perform well after a bye week.

In his career, Dungy is 127-65 during the regular season. He is 9-9 in the playoffs. The guy will get your team in the playoffs every year. And in today’s parody-driven league, there’s not a lot more you can ask for. You have to be “in it to win it”, and he has won it once in his last four attempts.

How many coaches out there are capable of duplicating Dungy’s success? Outside of Belichick, what active/living coach would you rather have leading your team?

2) “The Window of Opportunity for the Cowboys Is Closed”

I understand that T.O. and Terry Glenn are getting old, but what a lot of people don’t realize is how young the Cowboys are just about everywhere outside of these aging receivers.

Romo is young, Witten is young, Barber is young. Terrance Newman, Roy Williams, the O-Line: all young guys. The Cowboys could use a little more help on the offensive front, and they need one more wide receiver (Patrick Crayton proved last weekend who couldn’t catch Gonorrhea in Mexico), but they’re hurting significantly less than most teams.

If I was the Cowboys GM (which I probably should be) I would A) Waive Glenn and draft a wide receiver on the first day of the draft, and B) Trade Julius Jones for an extra draft pick so that I could add depth to my offensive line. Do something like that, and I see the Cowboys in the Super Bowl next year.

Remember, the Super Bowl Champion Steelers, the Super Bowl Champion Colts, and this year’s San Diego Chargers’ team have one thing in common: all three teams lost in their first game of the playoffs as the #1 seed the year before they made their playoff run.

History is on the Cowboys’ side to make a deep run next year.

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Since Bobby Petrino has bolted for the virtual paradise that is Fayettville, Arkansas and Falcons GM Rich McKay is about to be shown the door, the colossal mess that is Falcons is left to be cleaned up by Atlanta Falcons owner and mustache aficionado, Arthur Blank.

Blank has three options when it comes to fixing his football team: Two Conventional Approaches and Booth’s Approach.

Conventional Approach #1: Veteran NFL Coach & Free Agent QB

Here’s the list of 2008 free agent NFL quarterbacks that are worth half a shit:

• Derek Anderson (Browns) - This is the list. That’s it. Anderson is a restricted free agent, and after the season he’s had I’m pretty confident the Browns will re-sign him rather than roll the dice on the BQ era in Cleveland.

Here’s a list of free agent NFL quarterbacks who could be the Falcons’ next Joey Harrington:

• Rex Grossman (Bears)
• Daunte Culpepper (Raiders)
• Josh McCown (Raiders)
• Drew Henson (Vikings)
• Cleo Lemon (Dolphins)

Here’s the one guy who is undeniably awesome:

• Jared Lorenzen (Giants) - aka “The Pillsbury Throwboy”, aka “Battleship Lorenzen”, aka “J Load”, aka “The Round Mound of Quarterback”. Lorenzen is the former Kentucky Wildcats starting. The Giants drafted him the same year they drafted Eli Manning, and he’s been the backup QB in New York ever since. He weighs roughly 300 lbs. and you never know what he is going to try next when he plays. Falcons’ attendance and TV ratings would skyrocket with J. Load behind center.

As you can see the free agent pickings are pretty slim in terms of quarterbacks this offseason so the Falcons will most likely will go with Approach #2.

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A lot people bitch and moan about college football needing a playoff system. I am a member of the minority for two reasons:

1) I enjoy the debate about who is the best team in the country that inevitable ensues this time of year every time you and your buddies get together for a beer. And,

2) I love bowl season.

But as usual I have something to complain about…

The five mid-major conferences: The WAC, Mountain West, Conference USA, Sun Belt, and MAC. And their illogical bowl tie-ins.

2007 Mid-Major Champion Bowl Matchups:

(conference tie-ins in parentheses)

Sugar Bowl

Hawaii (WAC Champ) v. Georgia

Las Vegas Bowl

BYU (Mountain West Champ) v. UCLA (Pac 10 No. 4)

Motor City Bowl

Central Michigan (MAC Champ) v. Purdue (Big Ten No. 7)

Liberty Bowl

Central Florida (C-USA Champ) v. Mississippi St. (SEC No. 7)

New Orleans Bowl

Florida Atlantic (Sun Belt Champ) v. Memphis (C-USA No. 4/5)

Excluding Hawaii v. Georgia, these bowl matchups suck. You know it and I know it. The problem lies in the bowl tie-ins.

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I am of the firm belief that the Big Ten should be downgraded to a mid-major conference. And unlike the majority of my opinions, I’ve done the research this time to back my argument up. Be afraid.

Here’s a four part breakdown of the ineptitude that is the Big Ten:

1) Last Year’s Big Ten Bowl Results

Overall Record 2-5; BCS 0-2

Bowl Losses: Texas Tech 44 v. Minnesota 41, Maryland 24 v. Purdue 7, Texas 26 v. Iowa 24

Bowl Wins: Penn State 20 v. Tennessee 10, Wisconsin 17 v. Arkansas 14

BCS Game Losses: USC 32 v. Michigan 18, Florida 41 v. Ohio St. 14

2) Strength of Schedule / Quality Wins

This year’s Big Ten BCS teams:

Illinois. Out of conference, Illinois beat I-AA W. Illinois, Syracuse (2-10), and Ball St. (7-5). Not exactly a murderer’s row.

Illinois did play Missouri, but of course they lost. The Illini’s only quality win came with a victory over Ohio State. Ironic, huh?

Ohio State. Out of conference, Ohio State beat I-AA Youngstown St., Akron (4-8), Washington (4-9), and Kent State (3-9). The Buckeyes have zero quality wins on their resume. Their only mentionable victories came against Michigan, Penn State, and Wisconsin.

What’s the most memorable thing about the 2007 Ohio State regular season? Answer: Losing to a team coached by Ron Zook.

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