Variety reported today that two of the things we loved most in our childhood will soon be joining forces to create a Voltron of awesomeness. Yeah, that’s right, NBC is relaunching “American Gladiators” as a mid-season replacement and they’ve signed Terry Hogan himself to host. 

We were indefensibly excited when we first heard ”American Gladiators” was making a comeback, and that was way before we knew 24-inch Pythons would be involved. You wouldn’t believe the massive hetero rager we’ve worked up now.

Think about how potentially tremendous this could be. Jobbers versus Gladiators. Powerball. Joust. Hang Tough. THE ELIMINATOR. Singular names like Nitro, Malibu, Thunder, Genesis, and Lace. Hulk reminding us to say our prayers and take our vitamins and referring to every person on the show–regardless of gender– as “Brother”.

Our Tivo is already set.

Now if only NBC could bring back “Knight Rider”. That would be perfect. Life would be euphoric. Hey, wait a second…

In our defense, we were actually at the Clemson/FSU game last night, so please excuse our mailing it in efficient use of YouTube with today’s commentary.

We don’t know how we didn’t include this earlier, but here’s Kansas coach Mark Mangino losing his fucking mind on his kick returner for getting an excessive celebration penalty after taking a kickoff to the house. IT. IS. AWESOME. F-Bombs galore. Everything Mangino does is made exponentially better by the fact that he looks like he should own a deep dish pizza parlor in Chicago and not coach a football team in Kansas.

Everyone is surely aware by now that last night Bridget Moynahan gave birth to Tom Brady’s bastard kid prodigal son. 

This kid is less than a day old and we’re already undeniably envious of him. It’s not every day that a baby hits the gene pool lottery this kid did.

Just imagine all the cool things he’s going to be capable of accomplishing that the rest of us lack the athletic ability, high cheek bones, and overwhelming likability to pull off.

We thought we’d put together some odds for Baby Brady accomplishments to make things interesting.

• World Peace - 2:1

• Four Super Bowl MVPs - 4:1

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Page Six ran a story this morning on an upcoming book about the 1927 Yankees called “Five O’Clock Lightening”. If we read books, we might consider picking it up.

From the quick account given in the article, the book is apparently about two things: 1) what a fornicating degenerate fat ass Babe Ruth was, and 2) that Lou Gehrig was a bit of a pussy.

About the Babe:

“The Sultan of Swat bedded an endless parade of women, regularly visited whorehouses, and considered his sex organ and and his home-run bat his two greatest assets…When he traveled with the Yanks, one of Ruth’s favorite brothels was the oddly named ‘House of the Good Shepherd’ in St. Louis. ‘Babe exiting the whorehouse would always stop off next door at a bakery at about five in the morning and gulp down a dozen freshly baked donuts. He could never get his fill…’”

We consider our laptop and our sex organ our two greatest assets, but that doesn’t seem to have the same ring to it.

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News broke today that Redskins’ Tight End Chris Cooley is now engaged to a former Redskins’ cheerleader. She is the same cheerleader that the Redskins fired for socializing with Chris Cooley. Kind of awesome, right?

But there’s so much more to the story. The Washington Post article is pretty long though, so we’ll just recap the Chris Cooley cool and tough parts for you, roughly in chronological order:

• Cooley starts dating one Redskins’ cheerleader.
• Said cheerleader introduces Cooley to her friend that is also a Redskins’ cheerleader. (more…)

After multitudes of rumblings and rumors over the last few weeks, today it became official that PacMan Jones will join TNA Wrestling (that’s Total Nonstop Action Wrestling for all you pussies out there).

PacMan’s role with TNA is still up in the air. Most believe he won’t be doing any actual wrestling seeing that the physical act would most likely violate his NFL contract.

We’re definitely a little bummed that we aren’t going to see the ‘Making It Rain’ finishing move from off the top ropes that we’ve been envisioning for the last week. It involved elbows, a rowdy posse outside the ring, and an inordinate amount of dollar bills.The more we think about it though, as long as TNA makes PacMan a heel of some sort, we can be on board. We’re thinking something along the lines of a ghetto Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. There would be a lot of steel chairs, eye ball raking, tripping referees, backhanding the female wrestlers after they don’t give him his money back, etc.

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So you run an Army baseball camp for 7 to 14 year old kids and you manage to land Charlie Hustle as a guest speaker to talk to the kids. Sweet! What a score! Pete Rose. The hit king. You’re probably in line for a Purple Heart or some shit for pulling off this coup.

But hold on a second…

You better first make sure you have the stones to deal with Pete’s realness. Because when Pete shows up to the camp (probably six to seven Wild Turkeys deep) and pretty much acts like the dirty ass old man he is for an hour it’s your fault if you get all bent out of shape.

Staff Sgt. Steven Tischer (aka the guy who ran the camp and asked Pete to speak) told the Cincinnati Enquirer:

“It was such an embarrassment. You don’t swear in front of kids, that’s just common sense. He dropped the F-bomb and the S-bomb. He told them winning is everything and if you get second place you’re just losers”

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In random as shit news today that you may find interesting or may think just wasted five minutes of your time, we were reading Page Six when came across this bizarre story where some no-name chick author (Elizabeth Dewberry) is leaving her husband (a Pulitzer Prize winning writer and professor at Florida State) for Ted Turner. Yeah, Ted Turner. The old dude with the mustache who used to own the Braves.

Now, this story isn’t all that interesting in and of itself. Seriously, what the fuck do you do when your wife tells you she’s leaving you to bone some billionaire? But what really makes the whole thing intriguing is that the husband (Robert Olen Butler, 62) sent out a mass email to tell his friends, family, and students to tell them about it.

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Despite reporting virtually no news whatsoever, one story (along with interview) we’ve been on top of from the get go is Matt Leinart’s baby mama drama.

Turns out the verdict is in on how much our cosmo-drinking buddy is going to be doling out to the mother of his child per month. You guessed it: 15k per month. Dagger!
Matt, this is why you only have unprotected sex with random chicks while using a fake name. Like in our case, we’ve used the name Matt Leinart on several occasions. But that name won’t work for you. Get it? That’s how this game is played. [Sources: TMZ.com, The Big Lead]

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We don’t really advertise that we’re based in Atlanta, but we don’t really give a shit who knows it either. We just assume that no one really cares (if you do care and are in town, shoot us an email and we’ll let you buy us a beer). Also, we don’t talk about much local Atlanta stuff (outside of hating the Hawks) so there’s no real reason for us to get into it…until today that is.

Today the AJC ran a puff piece on our fiancee ESPN sideline reporter, Erin Andrews, and the top five places she likes to hang out in Atlanta. Of course, we think the AJC sucks, so we had to read about this column this afternoon on Deadspin. Thank you, Deadspin.

This wouldn’t be all that interesting if all the places she names weren’t places we actually frequent (except for Booth, who’s busy at home eating ramen noodles). Here they are:

1. Rosa Mexicana - we regularly dominate their margaritas and guac.
2. Dolce - little classy for the chicks that we tote around, but we may start showing up more often.
3. J. Christophers - breakfast joint, we can eat more pancakes than you can.
4. Noche - we were once kicked out because Booth’s tubby ass kept complaining to the waitress about his tapas’ portions, we still go back.
5. BCBG - nothing quite lends itself to stalking like the mall does.

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