We are unapologetic “Lost” fans and don’t give a shit who knows it. We’ve been seriously jonesing for some “Lost” news since the Flash Forward season finale.

Well, apparently, after killing off Mr. Eko–hands down the baddest MF on the show–last season, “Lost” producers have grown concerned about their black dude quota, so they’re bringing back Michael next season.

We’ve always had mixed feelings on Michael. We could never figure out how he got out of the wheelchair he was in during “Oz”. He used to kick Jin’s ass with a little too much ease. We always found that pretty unrealistic considering how cock diesel Jin is (that was minus 1 cool point). And then Michael killed Libby, one of the few legitimately hot chicks–sans makeup–on the show (that was bullshit, minus 3 cool points). But at the same time he removed Michelle Rodriguez’s annoying ass character from existence (that was awesome, plus 4 cool points).

Needless to say we’re torn on Michael, but those are often the best characters, so we’re glad he’s coming back. Unless, of course, we come to find out he was behind that other hottie getting buried alive this past season. Then he’s officially on watch. She was a serious biscuit.

[Source: EW]

From everything we’ve read and unearthed there appear to be legit shots of Urban Myer’s daughter floating around the world wide web (young Miss Meyer is supposedly the one on the right).

This link takes you to some weird wiki board with more photos. We definitely felt like we should be wearing a stained wifebeater and Gator sweatpants after visiting that site. Hard to believe these photos of his supposed daughter started circulating in a Rivals.com message board. Those guys get laid all the time. But whatever.

As far as we’re concerned she’s legal and more into us than we’re into her. It’s amazing how it always works out like that. (The Big Lead)

We’ve never claimed to be the least fickle dudes around and it’s once again come to bite us in the ass. Less than a month ago we wrote off Jessica Simpson for good, only for her to drop like 15 lbs. and totally start looking super bonable again in a span of roughly three weeks. She can’t even keep her jeans on in the picture above for fuck’s sake.

Man, we knew we wielded a lot of power with this site, but we had no idea we could influence the outward appearances of female pop stars. This could get very interesting.

And as a caveat, we’d like to say that J. Simpson still isn’t 100% in our good graces. At this current stage we’re just taking the high road and admitting we would definitely do her if given the opportunity when we previously claimed she was dead to us. As far as getting back on our A list again, there’s still a lot to contend with. Her dad’s still a diabolical loon, her career still kind of sucks, and there’s a rumor she’s dating Dane Cook. The Dane Cook thing may be a deal breaker, because that non-funny loser is way more mainstream than his talents ever warranted. We’re willing to bet there’s a handshake with Lucifer involved somewhere in there.

And In Other News:

It appears Scarlett Johannson isn’t quite as beaten down as we originally thought. Although we stand strong with our theory on her. PerezHilton.com

We’re out of town a couple of days and what happens? We start cruising around some of our favorite sites only to come across some really gross and grungy pictures of our girl Scarlett Johansson.

Normally grody pics of hot chicks on the web don’t bother us that much. After all, no one looks top notch 24 hours a day. Tabloids feast on hot celebrities looking miserable when caught in the right light, angle, or facial expression. But these new photos of Scarlett are different. They’re more troubling than your average shot of some primo hot chick not looking her finest.

Why? Because Scarlett is one of those female stars that falls under the category of unorthodox hotness. She’s defined by her super curviness, her raspy voice, and that she comes off like she would be fantastic in the sack (see “Match Point”). Unlike some more orthodox beauties (Jessica Alba comes to mind), Scarlett walks a thin line of hotness. She has to maintain. Curviness has the potential to slip to chubbiness. A raspy voice has the potential to make you sound like a tranny. Wanting to bone has the potential to turn into revolting desperateness.

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We should seriously send have some StillAwesome.com t-shirts made so we could give like forty to John Stamos.

We’ve never really had any beef with Stamos (everyone has some form of a mullet in the late 80’s, early 90’s, right?), but until today we had no idea on just how intent Stamos is on maintaining his own personal awesomeness.

So this is how the discovery unfolded. We’re sifting through some headlines after a busy morning of being cool, and what do we see? Not one, but like three titles devoted to Stamos himself (Page Six, IDLITW, etc). We developed a little bit of an afternoon chubby just seeing Uncle Jesse getting some play, but little did we realize that things were about to get much, much better, funnier, more entertaining, we’re running out of adjectives.

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In our ongoing attempt to help get college football season here as quickly as possible, we’re bringing you all the little stories that will help the clock tick by. Think of this as your 8 AM level off beer.

And what better way to level off than with what has already taken too long to get here: the immortalization of Georgia QB, Matt Stafford. A T-Shirt was really the only medium that was going to do this justice. We’re very happy it’s here. The FanHouse

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The NextRound spokeswoman (whether she likes it or not), Tara Conner, made an appearance at the Spike TV Awards over the weekend and was conveniently arm and arm with none other than mega porn star, Tera Patrick.

This can’t be coincidence, right? No way they just bumped into each other on the red carpet and hit it off, is there? Slutty Miss USA will be under contract with Vivid within the next three months, correct? We know we made the porn soon claim a while back, but we make the “Will be in porn soon” claim about just about any chick we think puts out. And a lot of times we make that claim about chicks that don’t put out, including friends’ girlfriends, moms, and sisters.

We never thought Slutty Miss USA might actually live up to it. C’mon Tara, give in to those issues with your father. Make this happen. Oh, and Spike TV can go fuck itself for losing our invites. Hollywoodtuna

Today TMZ informed us of some serious Playmate hunting that went down over the weekend. Two–count ‘em, two–different stories surfaced of dudes we don’t particularly hate throwing all the game they have at bunnies. We applaud each for separate reasons.

For starters, Bruce Willis (who is forever John MacLane in our eyes) drops nothing lines like, “Tell her I have a quick question for her” when attempting to bone chicks like Karen McDougal. That’s killer. And the icing on the cake is that while Bruce is chasing prime tail, douchebag no talent Ashton Kutcher is at home with Bruce’s kids and dusty-crotched ex-wife. Awesome.

As for David Spade, he’s short. Like 5′2″ short. Wow. We’re impressed with any grown man that size who doesn’t live with his parents, let alone some midget who manages to do nothing noteworthy since “Tommy Boy” and still humps so many chicks out of his league. If it’s not Heather Locklear or Krista Allen it’s some former bunny. And did we mention he’s a dwarf? Yeah, seriously small. And he’s old too. Wow, that elf has game.

ESPN and The Big Lead are reporting that former Steeler and current Miami Dolphin linebacker Joey Porter got into a fistfight with Cincinnati Bengals lineman Levi Jones at blackjack table in Vegas 6 PM Sunday Night.

Yeah, you read that right. Vegas. Fistfight. Bengal. Blackjack table. Sunday Night. 6 PM.

Joey Porter must have a “What it Takes to be a Bad Ass” checklist and is methodically taking down tasks one by one. Get shot in Denver. Check. Tell NFL Referees you will kill them. Check. Tell everyone your dogs will kick the shit out of their dogs. Check. Vow to fight any Bengal, anywhere. Check.

Is Charles Oakley mentoring this guy?

We’re just pissed off this happened the weekend after we were in Vegas. Because you know if we were in town and shit went down, we would have been right there. But on a serious note, we really feel like we’ve been bent over when it comes to Vegas celebrity sightings. We would gladly trade watching K-Fed and a pack of ten dudes drink appletinis at Pure for witnessing Joey Porter throw haymakers at a blackjack table while the sun was still out on Sunday. This sucks.