the stillawesome commentary

What’s Not Lame Around the World Wide Web:

FOX News Twitter page has breaking news: “Bill O’Reilly is gay”. [Gawker]

Sadly, Nitro from American Gladiators grew man boobs. [With Leather]

The Giants wide receiver corp spent their off weekend at Applebee’s. [Deadspin]

Vandy student makes the Lingerie League using her…brain? [Busted Coverage]

This headline must be referring to one huge ass. [Afrojacks]

The 20 Hottest Sports TV Personalities of All Time. No dudes. We swear. [Manofest]

In downer news, the inventor of the Hawaiian shirt died. [Metro]

Probably the hottest Asian chick we’ve seen our last Google search. [Gunaxin]

NBC has hired Matt Millen for Super Bowl coverage, thinks you’re dumb. [AA]

The greatest moments in bikini clad wrestling. [Angry T]

Kelly Brook refuses to leave the beach. [On 205th]

Snowboarding is finally getting sexy. [Don Chavez]

And Jeff Jagodzinski has huge brass balls. [ESPN]

Hands down the worst non-gambling debt related byproduct of us slowing things down over the holidays was missing out on Charles Barkley’s DUI arrest and the killer details surrounding it. While we haven’t supported drunk driving since high school, we must admit that this incident will go down as one of the awesomer pro athlete arrests in history. So much so we feel it’s necessary to dissect the awesomest parts even this far removed…

Awesome Detail #1: He asked the officer to admit to the girl was hot. We too have often found that immediately establishing common ground with law enforcement is the first step in avoiding arrest.

Awesome Detail #2: He played the blowjob card. We have to hand it to Chuck. Even after he failed to make a connection with the cop over the girl’s undeniable hotness, he kept plugging away. It’s hard to argue with his reasoning. If there’s one circumstance where one dude is going to give another dude a little leniency it’s when he’s trying to relive the best hummer he “ever had in his life.”

Awesome Detail #3: He was partying with Urkel. We haven’t seen this entirely confirmed but multiple sources have Barkley, Michael Strahan, and Jaleel White partying at a private table at an Arizona nightclub prior to the arrest. If there’s ever a time in your life when you’re probably going to make some bad decisions it’s after a night of partying with Urkel.

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OK, so this video doesn’t involve any actual “driving” per se, but we do feel it is indicative of lady driving in general…

Why can’t they make these hoses longer! Big meanies! *sobs*

[H/T: Yep Yep]

A jaw dropping European model with an intense website to get you through the day…

More Katerina after the jump.

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We are very rarely prone to hyperbole (although some like to argue we often confuse “rarely” with “regularly”) so you know we hold a movie in high regard when we’re willing to debate whether or not it may be the greatest movie ever made months before it even starts filming. But The Expendables – the Voltron of movie tough guys helmed by Sly Stallone — has just that much potential.

In case you’ve been away on a gay cruise and aren’t aware of what The Expendables is, here’s a quick synopsis of why it has the makings of the greatest movie ever:

1) It Will Be Written and Directed by Sylvester Stallone (writer and director of Rocky II, Rocky III, Staying Alive, Rocky IV, Rocky Balboa, Rambo, and the highly anticipated Rambo V).

2) It Will Feature the Greatest Ensemble Tough Guy Cast Ever. Outsiders eat your heart out:

• Stallone
• Statham
• Jet Li
• Dolph Lundgren
• Randy Couture
• And we hear a Seagal cameo may be in the works.

3) It Will Have an Acclaimed Actor in a Supporting Role. Forest Whitaker is in negotiations to to join the cast as the CIA liaison. And if we know Stallone like we think we know Stallone he may write in a Ghost Dog scene or two for Forest.

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Per the Advertising Standards Bureau this Kotex tampon ad was last year’s most complained about television commercial. We’re not sure why though. Awesome premise? Check. Cuddly stuffed beaver? Check. Effective marketing? Check. Shirtless hunks? Check.

The more we think about the multitudes of people with huge balls it took to get this aired the more encouraged we are of the prospects of humanity going forward.

[Source: Daily Telegraph via Fark]

The divisional playoff schedule is set, which is convenient since we’re of the opinion that it’s never too early to start planning your weekend. But if the prospect of simultaneously hitting on cougars while watching Panthers/Cardinals isn’t enough to get your blood pumping on a Monday, we suggest you check out this remix put together by the gentlemen over at Tirico Suave of Chris Clemons tombstoning Tarvaris Jackson during an Eagles intrception return for a touchdown. And yes, it is complete with pre-Anaconda Ice Cube (NSFW audio)…

Just a friendly reminder to Vikings fans that you don’t win playoff games with Tarvaris Jackson under center.

[H/T: Tirico Suave]

It’s 2009 and we’ve yet to see a flying car. But outside of that disappointment we’re pretty excited. We spent most of 2008 figuring out what we want NextRound to be and going forward we’re just going to concentrate on being awesome (and maybe making some money).

That means more dick jokes, more photo essays, more nut shots, more baseless celebrity bashing, more drunk athletes, and coming up with even more creative ways to incorporate “Poundtown” into just about every post. We hope you’re up for it. (Picture via Yep Yep.)

The Morning Distraction:

Tremendous list of 2009 drinking goals. “Sit in on an A.A. meeting”. [Tasty Booze]

One ACC game in and UNC loses to Boston College. Kind of anticlimactic. [Yahoo]

Speaking of BC, they’re going to fire their coach if he interviews with the Jets. [ESPN]

Kristin Cavallari hits the beach for first time in ‘09. [Celebridiot]

Arizona’s touchdown celebration could have gone a bit less gay. [World of Isaac]

Just another reason it’s good to be Prince Harry (hint: hot poa). [Epic Carnival]

New Nintendo Wii kid giving the 64 kids a run for their money (video). [Yep Yep]

For all the Kate Bosworth fans out there. [On 205th]

Bills’ Ko Simpson arrested in S. Carolina, has high opinion of his net worth. [FanHouse]

Clint Eastwood is pretty sure you’re a pussy. [Film Drunk]

The Rey Maualuga/Erin Andrews video you’ve been hearing about. [Busted Coverage]

And Bar Rafaeli to help get you through the first Monday of ‘09. [Beer Goggler]

Just in case we haven’t made it abundantly clear that we’re mailing it in this holiday week, we’ve grouped to together our most popular content of 2008 just in case you missed anything (if you didn’t miss anything it might be time to consider an online dating service).

Think of this as our version of the sitcom flashback episode…

The Life and Times of Mr. Belding

The 11 Most Uncomfortable Times to Have to Poop 

Imperial Stormtroopers: They’re Just Like Us!

All-Time Awkward David Stern Draft Handshakes

The Hotness Chronicles: Lori Loughlin 

Mangino Inspired “Our Coach” T-Shirts 

All-Time Repeatable Will Ferrell Lines 

W and the Olympics: A Photo Essay 

The Life and Times of Homeless Dudes Ravaged by Ninjas

People Who Suck in Your Office: Middle Stall Guy 

Mediocre NFL Players and Playmates: The Phenomenon

The 20 All-Time Greatest Photobombers

13 Absurdly Named Bond Girls and the Actresses Who Played Them

The Middle Finger in Sports: A Photo Essay

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great NFL Cheerleaders

12 Actresses Who Would Have Made Great CFB Cheerleaders

Things That Have Tried and Failed to Kill Nick Nolte 

16 Funny Senior Portraits and the Reasoning Behind Them 

12 Action Movies That Are Actually Comedies

The Best (Or Worst) of Drunk John Daly

16 Gangsta Car Pose Photos That Should Have Never Been Taken

Man did we kick ass in ‘08. See you ladies on the flipside.

Some hero took the time to compile the best falls gone viral in ‘08 and we’re all the better for it. You may remember many of these classics from this very site!

After mentally reviewing the last 365 days as a whole we think it’s safe to say the chick who does a backplant on a table at the :45 mark made our year.